Tone Deaf Beauty and the Magical Furry
by The Black Flamingo101
Summary: An extremely insane, anachronistic, crack conglomerate of Beauty and the Beast and Sekai-Ichi Hatsukoi. What will a lost Ritsu do when he stumbles upon an enchanted castle filled with a bunch of insane people and a beast that wants to eat him? COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

"_Once upon a time, in a faraway land, a young prince lived in a shining castle. Although he had everything his heart desired, the prince was spoiled, selfish, and unkind. _

_But then, one winter's night, an old beggar-woman came to the castle and offered him a single rose in return for shelter from the bitter cold. Repulsed by her haggard appearance, the prince sneered at the gift and turned the old woman away. But she warned him not to be deceived by appearances, for beauty is found within. _

_And when he dismissed her again, the old woman's ugliness melted away to reveal a beautiful Enchantress. The prince tried to apologize, but it was too late, for she had seen that there was no love in his heart; and as punishment, she transformed him into a hideous Beast and placed a powerful spell on the castle and all who lived there._

_Ashamed of his monstrous form, the Beast concealed himself inside his castle, with a magic mirror as his only window to the outside world. The rose she had offered was truly an enchanted rose, which would bloom until his 21st year. If he could learn to love another, and earn her love in return by the time the last petal fell, then the spell would be broken. If not, he would be doomed to remain a beast for all time. As the years passed, he fell into despair and lost all hope. For who could ever learn to love a Beast?"-_

The Rose Curse, taken from the original Beauty and the Beast.

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><p><strong><em>Prelude<em>**

_The black painted woods were dark and ominous, as if the souls of the skeleton trees contained a measure of evil itself. There were no leaves on sharp, bare branches, only dead vines that twisted up and reached out like the fingers of an old witch. The hollow wind sang mournfully as it swept through these desolate woods, as if lamenting the life that had been taken from the forest by the cannibalistic season of winter. _

_Quiet footsteps warily crunched down on piles of dead leaves as a lone person wandered fearfully through the woods, his eyes darting around as the wind's cold fingers laced about his thinly clothed body. The young man grimaced as a particularly strong gust whipped up and blew the hood of his cloak off his head, swishing short locks of his chestnut hair into his green eyes. _

_The boy gasped and jerked his head as he heard a branch snap. Trying to control his shaking shoulders, he called out._

"_Hello?…Is someone there?" _

_But only the howling of the wind answered his plea. _

_He continued to step further along the dark path, hugging his cloak closer to his body. The young man knew he was inexplicably lost, but having lost his horse and all his provisions with it, he had no choice but try to find his way out of the frightening maze. _

_He heard yet another branch snap, and thinking it was a wolf, the boy jerked around, his eyes darting fearfully in all directions. Another unexplainable sound came from behind him, and in fright he tripped and fell over a protruding tree root, landing face first on the cold ground. _

_He groaned and pushed his fallen hood off of his head, but when he did…he saw it. _

_His eyes widened in horror and awe as he saw the incredible castle before him, stretching up to pierce the sky like a black dragon. He slowly got to his feet and tried to back away, but just the enchanting monstrosity of the building seemed to pull him towards it. The young man started to walk warily to the intricate front gate, his eyes still wide as he reached out a pale hand to the cold iron—_

"Um, excuse me? Sir?"

Having been interrupted from his riveting description, the narrator took a moment to adjust his glasses before looking at the young upstart heroine who was addressing him directly.

"What are you doing?" He hissed.

The brunette regarded him warily.

"I uh, just have a question."

"I know that!" The narrator yelled back. "But what the hell do you think you're doing talking to me!"

"Well, you're the narrator…so I figured you'd know…"

"You idiot! You can't just TALK TO THE NARRATOR like that! It's against the rules! You're a character! You're not even supposed to know I'm here!"

"But…you're sitting right there in that tree. I can hear you narrating everything I do." The young man said slowly, growing more confused by the minute.

"That's not what I'm fucking talking about!" The narrator screamed back, nearly ripping his script apart. "For God's sake will you please go back to doing what you're supposed to be doing!"

"Yeah, but will you answer my question first?"

The narrator nearly imploded from rage, but nodded.

"Okay, so if I'm lost in the woods and I lost my horse, and I'm wearing this cloak," The boy gestured. "Then that means that this story takes place in old times right?"

"Yeeees." The narrator answered between clenched teeth.

"So uh…"  
>"Oh bloody hell!" The narrator screamed. "WILL YOU JUST TELL ME YOUR GODDAMNED QUESTION ALREADY SO WE CAN GET PAST THE PRELUDE?"<p>

The brunette blinked a couple of times, then lifted a finger to point at the building.

"Well, if this is olden times…why does that castle have a satellite dish?"

The narrator, at a complete loss for words, quickly cut to the opening title.


	2. Chapter 2

_The Black Flamingo 101 Proudly Presents:_

_**Tone Deaf Beauty and the Magical Furry**_

(An Extremely Cracked Up, Insane Mix of _Beauty and the Beast _and _Sekai-Ichi Hatsukoi)_

**Chapter One: The Scary and Mildly Sexist Castle**

Following a brief scuffle with a rather irked narrator, the young man proceeded to push open the iron gate and walk up a stone path to the front entrance of the castle. But even though his steps were steady, they were also plagued by fear and uncertainty. The castle was a mountain in the midst of a quiet forest, signaling unmistakable danger. The towers were black, and stone gargoyles and dark angels watched from them like lurking demons.

Whatever lived in such a place, it was undoubtedly evil.

The young man stopped at the front door, almost too afraid to move inside. He almost thought of going back to the woods before the frightening howl of a wolf rang in the distance. Storm clouds also began to gather around the battlements of the building, a cold drizzle starting to descend on the earth.

Seeing he had no choice, he grabbed one of the fashioned iron rings and pulled the heavy double doors open. He quietly stepped out of the rain, and felt his eyes widen in awe as he saw the inside of the rich building. The castle was almost as dark inside as it was out, and the high ceilings and pillars made its appearance all the more cave-like.

However, there were a few lit candles on a nearby table, signaling that the residence was not uninhabited.

"…Hello?" He called into the dark, beginning to carefully trod further into the castle. His plea echoed in the cavernous room, but no one replied.

However, unbeknownst to the unsuspecting man, he was indeed being watched.

High up on the second floor, several pairs of eyes studied the intruder with both curiosity and intrigue. However, they weren't exactly…human.

"Chiaki get off my power chord!" A black laptop barked at a nearby footrest, who had been happily bouncing up and down at the sight of the newcomer in the entryway.

"Oh!" The cushioned stool said in sheepish surprise. "Sorry Kisa."

The laptop growled in reply, quickly shifting its chord away from the energetic piece of furniture. From atop the stool, a universal remote made sounds of contemplation.

"Hmm. So that's our heroine." Yuu mused. "Different than I expected."

"Apparently so." Kisa replied, tilting his screen down to peer at the stranger better. The three household objects watched as the stranger paced further into the castle and pulled off his hood.

"Wait just a half a darn minute." Kisa said. "Is that…is that a GUY?"

"Huh," Yuu grunted. "It is. Why are you freaking out though?"

"Doesn't the curse of the master's rose say that it has to be broken by an actual girl?"

The remote paused, wondering himself.

"Chiaki do you remember?" He asked.

"Nuh uh." Chiaki replied.

The three glanced silently at each other for a few seconds before reaching discretely over and grabbing their scripts, flipping back a few pages to the prelude.

"Here it is!" Kisa said. "It says 'learn to love ANOTHER, and earn HER love in return.'"

"They imply 'her,' but technically 'another' can refer to either gender, so it'll work." Yuu replied. "Though when you think about it, saying 'her' is a little bit sexist don't you think?"

"Yay!" Chiaki bubbled, completely missing the point. "Our princess is here! Let's go down and say hi!"

"I'll go find Hatori and we can inform the master." Kisa nodded as Chiaki bounded away with Yuu. He gave a yank to his power cord to dislodge it from the wall, then started hopping in the direction of an upward staircase.

"Hmm," He grunted. "It'll be funny to see how this 'princess' takes everything…"


	3. Chapter 3

Hello again readers and welcome to another TBF101 crack fic! :D Let's all get our insanity on!

WOW! I cannot believe how many people have already faved, subscribed, and responded already! ^_^ You all are wonderful and I hope you all continue to enjoy. These chapters are a bit shorter than what I normally write, but that way they will be released faster. And don't worry :) I have quite a bit of material for this fic already and as the hamster wheels of insanity in my brain are always turning, there will be more to come :)

This fic was pretty much spawned by me going to see Beauty and the Beast in 3D (which was AMAZING), and also because I am completely obsessed and can recite it all from memory. However, unlike previous viewings, during the 3D version all I could really think about was how much they reminded me of Onodera and Takano. (Hah, thank you fanfiction for taking over my life)

One thing led to another and here we are now. Not to mention the fact that I keep listening to the soundtrack on repeat while I write. (Dear Alan Menken, my ears want to marry you.)

So yeah, this fic is done out of my pure love for this disney movie and this yaoi.

Even though I fully intend to mess both of them the hell up ;)

**Thanks for reading! Hope to hear from you all! **

**TBF101**

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><p><strong>Chapter Two: Lord of the Furries<strong>

Kisa hopped his way down the hall and took a left, entering one of the castle's many living rooms, a popular hangout for the inhuman denizens who had too much time on their hands/cords/ handles/mechanical appendages. He glanced around the darkened room at the smoldering blaze in the fireplace, a little stunned by the silence as this was the place for one of the castle's loudest residents.

"Hatori?" He whispered warily.

"Shhh," A voice called back. "Yukina just powered off. Don't wake him up."

"Didn't intend to." Kisa shot back.

The laptop heard a small bump, and faintly saw Hatori hopping down from a night table and heading towards him.

"What did you need?" The clock asked, shuffling into the light.

"The heroine's here. He just came in."

"HE?" Hatori asked in monotone.

"We checked the script. It'll work." Kisa replied dryly.

Hatori grunted affirmatively, then started heading to the hall.

"We should tell the master."

Kisa growled, hopping after him.

"I was just about to say that! Wait up!"

The two made their way up a tall staircase (all the while cursing that their master really needed to have a goddamned elevator put in) and hopped along several elaborate hallways, heading for the far west wing of the castle. That ward of the castle was much darker than the others, but the two had gone down it so often that they were unfazed by the shadow. They reached the tall doors at the far end of the corridor, and Kisa reached up the plug of his cord to knock on them.

"Master?" He called.

A faint growling could be heard, but when no reply came the two pushed open the doors and entered.

And they both let out an irksome sigh when they saw Takano, their master, sleeping in a heap on one of his couches and snoring loudly at four in the afternoon. Kisa groaned and hopped over to the window, opening the curtains to let light in while Hatori went over to wake him up.

"Master? Master." Hatori called. Takano snorted and decided to roll over, but went the wrong way and fell straight onto the floor.

"Oww…" He groaned, opening his sleepy eyes and letting out a growly yawn. Kisa sighed at the scene, and if he had eyes he would have rolled them.

"Excuse me master, but it's long past morning." Hatori said dryly. Takano rolled onto his back and sat up, blinking a few times as he looked at the clock.

"I DON'T GIVE A DAMN THAT IT'S THE AFTERNOON SO WHY THE HELL ARE YOU WAKING ME UP FOR NO GODDAMNED REASON!" The beast roared, bearing his fangs at his servant.

Hatori stood quietly by and used his minute hand to wipe a drop of beast slobber off his clock face. Kisa hopped up as well, doing another imaginary eye roll.

"Pardon us master," He said with not an ounce of apology. "But the heroine has arrived."

This caught the beast's attention and he quickly sat up, pulling back his lips in a toothy grin.

"Great!" Takano barked, standing up and stretching out his back. "Fetch my cutlery and the foreman grill! I'll go eat her right away!"

Kisa and Hatori exchanged slight shocked glances.

"Uh," Hatori grunted. "Eat him?"

"Yep!" Takano grunted, swishing his long tail excitedly. "Oh boy I can't wait to see how he tastes!"

Kisa, who was already in a frightfully bad mood, suddenly snapped and smacked Takano right between his eyes with his plug. Takano clutched his head and whimpered painfully, looking at the laptop with wide eyes.

"What was that for?" He whined.

"Master!" Kisa growled impatiently. "You know you're not supposed to eat the heroine right?"

"Huh?"

Kisa let out a sigh of exasperation.

"Good god! You're not supposed to EAT HIM! You're supposed to FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM!"

Takano looked sorely confused.

"…Are you sure? I thought this was a horror play."

Kisa smacked his screen with his power cord.

"Takano! What do you think this is? LORD OF THE FLIES? THIS IS _BEAUTY AND THE BEAST! _It's a goddamned ROMANCE!"

The beast tilted his head.

"It is?"

"Check your script." Kisa moaned.

Takano hurriedly reached into the back pocket of his jeans and pulled out his script, looking at the title page.

"Oh." He grunted, somewhat disappointed. "But hey! What a minute! Isn't _Beauty and the Beast _a musical? Where are all the bloody songs!"

"Budget cuts sir." Hatori answered dryly.

"Aww fuck!" The beast groaned, flopping back onto the couch. "You mean we don't get to sing 'Be our Guest'? I love that song! Be our guest, be our guest, duh duh da da da duh…Hey Hatori, can you dance?"

"No sir."

Takano sighed.

"Just as well, I have too many fur balls stuck in my throat to sing bass anyway. But man! I had no idea I was in a romance! What else is in this thing?" Takano said excitedly, beginning to flip through the pages of the book. Kisa and Hatori exchanged another look.

"Sir, the heroine is waiting." Hatori said.

"Yeah yeah yeah I know." Takano yammered. "Hey what's up with this title anyways? _'Tone Deaf Beauty and the Magical Furry'_? I'm not a furry! I'm a sexy black wolf…beast…thing."

Hatori regarded him coolly.

"Well sir, as 'Beastly' was already taken, the writers were having trouble coming up with a title, so they went with the time old ploy of stringing a bunch of random words together. Rather lazy I know, but it's all we've got."

"Hmm." Takano grunted, jumping of the couch and stretching some more. "Welp, let's go see this chick so I can eat—er fall in love with her."

Kisa and Hatori exchanged a third glance.

"One more thing master," Kisa said as they followed the beast out. "About the heroine…she's a guy."

"SAY WHAAAT?"


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you all so much for the awesome reviews! ^_^ I love that you all are lovin' the insanity and I hope to keep hearing from you all!

**Arigato Gozaimasu!**

**TBF101**

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><p><strong>Chapter Three: Phallic Imagery At Its Finest<strong>

"Hello? Is anyone here?" The young man called. He was still a bit wary as he kept walking further into the castle, but at the same time he couldn't deny how inviting the warm and dry building was compared with the frosty woods. Maybe whoever lived here would let him stay the night.

But the young man stopped cold as he heard a steady thumping coming from a darkened hallway. He froze, his teeth digging into his lip as fear began to spring up inside him—

But he was entirely unprepared for what he saw.

"PRINCESS!"

The brunette let out a strangled gasp, but then was quickly overtaken by confusion as he saw a…footstool hopping excitedly towards him. His jaw went slack and he found himself unable to move as it came up to him, still bouncing happily.

"HI!" It chirped. "I'm Chiaki! What's your name?"

"Uh…Ritsu…" The brunette stuttered back, flummoxed beyond belief.

"Hi Princess Ritsu!" The footrest cheered, hopping around in an excited circle. Ritsu raised an eyebrow.

"Uh…princess?"

"Uh huh!" Chiaki bubbled. "And you're going to fall in love with master!"

The young man gapped.

"What? Fall in love? Who—Who is your master? Where is he?"

"Kisa went to go get him." The footstool replied. "Oh! I almost forget something…oh, what was it…"

Ritsu stared in bafflement as Chiaki shifted, trying to remember whatever it was he forgot.

"Um…Chiaki, listen. Would your master mind if I stayed the night—"

_SLAM!_

"Oh!" Chiaki spoke. "Here he comes now!"

Ritsu glanced fearfully over to a tall staircase, and his mouth dropped again as he saw a laptop and a clock hopping down towards them.

"Chiaki," Hatori called as he made it to the bottom. "What are you doing out here?"

"I'm welcoming master's princess!" Chiaki replied ecstatically. "His name is Ritsu!"

"He's not a princess Chiaki." The clock spoke dryly, coming up and addressing Ritsu. "Hello, I'm Hatori, one of the head servants here. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance."

Ritsu (after once again recovering from his shock of the talking household objects) quickly stammered a reply.

"Er—um thanks."

"And I'm Kisa." Said the nearby laptop. "If you need anything googled only ask between the hours of noon and three pm."

"…Google?" Ritsu replied in bewilderment. "Um listen, would it be alright if—"

But his question was (once again) interrupted by another slam, this time followed by a howling growl that sent a freezing chill down Ritsu's spine. He peered up to the top of the stairs again, only to find his confusion replaced with pure terror.

He balled his hands into shaking fists as he saw a creature—no, a beast walk down the staircase, his appearance almost like a werewolf. The tall beast's face and the front of his chest looked human, but everything else was covered in silky black fur, right down to his thick paw-like feet and clawed hands. More obvious signs of inhumanry were two wolf-like ears and twisted black horns amidst the shaggy mop of his head, and a long bushy tail that swished wildly behind him. The beast let out a slight yawn, and Ritsu's face drained of color as saw the thick sharp fangs protruding from the top of his mouth. He let out a slight gasp, and his eyes widened in horror as he saw the beast's furry ears flick in his direction. Takano stopped yawning and lifted his nose, inhaling a new scent that set a rolling sensation down his muscular back. His eyes followed his snout and he took in the appearance of his male princess.

And he couldn't deny that he liked what he saw.

Takano licked his lips, and when he saw Ritsu visibly flinch, he switched to a chuckle. He began to walk down the staircase, his tail flicking behind him.

Ritsu took a step back, swallowing hard at the sight.

"…Um…who—who are you?" He stuttered.

Takano smiled toothily.

"Takano. The master of this castle."

The beast took a few more steps, his piercing golden eyes never drifting from the young man.

"I must admit," He said in a low purr. "I wasn't all that intrigued by the idea of a 'princess,' but now that see you…I am VERY interested."

"P—Princess?" Ritsu stuttered, still taking backward steps.

"Mhmmm." Takano purred, stepping even closer. "What's your name Princess?"

"Er—Ritsu…" The brunette stammered back, his eyes beginning to dart for exits. The beast was only a few feet away, and Ritsu could hear the deep, throaty pants that came from its grinning mouth. At that moment, Ritsu knew he had to shove off. Wolves or no, there was no way he was going to stay here. The creature was looking at him with raw desire and hunger, and the brunette felt his shoulders begin to quake by its fearsome aura.

"So 'Ritsu'," The beast said, stopping and shoving his hands into his pockets, his long tail swishing about. "Do you have any idea where you happen to be?"

The brunette gulped.

"…Y—Your…castle?"

"Correct." Takano smiled. "And do you know what happens to people who come into my castle?"

Ritsu entire body began to shake, and he quickly gritted his teeth to stop them from chattering. He chanced a look behind him and saw the tall double doors that led outside. If he could just make it to the woods he might have a sporting chance…

But Takano's large paws began to move forward, bringing the two even closer together. And up close, the beast was even more frightening. The long, prominent muscles that lined his arms and chest rippled as he walked, letting off a scent of thundering strength and speed. And despite his utter terror at the moment, Ritsu felt a slight warmth creep into his body at the primitive display.

A quiet blush overtook his cheeks, and Takano felt his form stirring as well, evoking a light growl from deep within his chest.

At the rumbling sound, Ritsu was shocked back to his senses, and panic quickly overtook his reason. He had to get out. He had to get away. It wasn't safe here—

In a flash Ritsu whipped around and bolted as fast as he could to the door, his breath heaving from the pure adrenaline. Out of terror, he took a quick glance over his shoulder and felt hope and confusion spring inside him when he saw that Takano hadn't even moved. He pounded his way to the door and grabbed the iron rings as hard as he could—

But they didn't budge.

Taking in a panicked breath, Ritsu heaved harder, but again the doors would not move. His panic climaxed and he jerked frantically at them until his arms hurt and his lungs were almost bursting. Sweat began to bead on his forehead, and it turned ice cold as a chuckle rang through the high ceilings.

"I'll ask you again Princess," The beast said slyly, starting to walk casually up to the front doors. "Whose castle are you in?"

Ritsu coughed in fright.  
>"…Y—Yours…"<p>

"That's right. And so by right, everything that comes in through those enchanted doors becomes mine. Including you."  
>Quicker than a blink, Takano flashed up the last few feet towards the brunette and pinned him face first against the door, his clawed hands gripping the shaking wrists. Ritsu yelped in fright, but was far too stunned and scared to struggle, even with the beast's hot breath at his neck.<p>

"So guess what," Takano whispered into Ritsu's ear, tracing the tip of his tongue along the shell. "You're not going anywhere without my permission."

Ritsu cried out again as Takano spread the full length of his oral muscle against his ear. The beast's ripping body rubbed harder against him, and Ritsu clenched his teeth in terror.

"…You're mine Ritsu." Takano breathed, his mouth drifting lower.

"NO!"

The beast's wolf ears flicked up in surprise as the brunette barked out a cry and tried to wrench his wrists free. Ritsu thrashed rather unsuccessfully before Takano finally let them go, only to grab his lithe shoulders and turn him around. In the face of those golden predatory eyes, Ritsu's skin drained of color, but he still managed to glower at his captor.

Ritsu's demeanor amused the beast.

"You're a cocky one." Takano chuckled, his nostrils flaring as he inhaled Ritsu's light, fresh scent. He relinquished his grip on his prisoner, and smiled again as Ritsu jerked away, still glaring at him darkly.

"Well, now that we've taken care of that." The beast mused. "Let me welcome you personally to your new home. I suggest you make yourself comfortable, as it's likely you'll be with us for quite some time. I hate using old clichés like 'forever and ever,' but in your case I find them to be entirely appropriate."

The beast cast one last glance at his prize before turning around and heading back up towards the second floor. Even still, he kept his toothy grin as he spread his tongue over his lower lip.

This arrangement was going to be so much fun…

Kisa and the other objectory servants watched the display with emotions ranging from disinterest (Hatori) to distaste (Kisa) to slight bewilderment (Chiaki). They watched Takano leave and Ritsu crumple to the floor in defeat.

"Well," Kisa spoke dryly. "Was I the only one who suspected that this play was not going to be rated G?"

"Not likely." Hatori replied with the tone of stale bread.

Kisa sighed, starting to head over to the shaken princess.

"Man, the FCC is gonna censor the hell out of this."


	5. Chapter 5

Hello everyone and thank you for all your wonderful favs, reviews, and subscriptions! ^_^ They make me so very very happy.

Sorry updates have been lagging but I've been really out of it. Maybe more this weekend :) Thanks for reading! Let me know what you like!

**Love and crack,**

**TBF101**

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><p><strong>Chapter Four: The Home Depot<strong>

Right after Takano disappeared, Ritsu felt all the strength leave his legs and he sunk onto his knees, the pure shock and tension of the situation completely draining him. He sat dejectedly on the floor, staring at the carpet with tired eyes. But out of the corner of his sight, he could faintly see a few of the "servants" hopping towards him. The footstool in particular didn't waste time, but bounded right over, nuzzling up to the newcomer.

"Princess," Chiaki murmured. "Are you okay?"

"No." Ritsu replied flatly, but letting the cushiony servant prop up one of his arms. Hatori the clock followed up behind Chiaki, letting out a slight sigh.

"Master Ritsu," He said, bowing as awkwardly as a clock could. "I hope you will pardon Master Takano. He can be a little…headstrong at times. In any case, despite it's origins, we all welcome you to the castle and if there is anything we can do for you—"

"You can get me out of here!" Ritsu snapped, holding his head in his hands.

"I'm deeply sorry," Hatori replied, a slight twinge of emotion creeping into his voice. "But that's not possible. As the master said, the door and even the gates that surround the castle are an enchanted field of sorts. None of us can leave unless the master gives us permission, but even he is trapped inside."

Ritsu's head drooped lower at the news and he refused to look up.

"It's okay Princess." Chiaki said, rubbing his soft cushioned self against the brunette. "The castle is a really really great place to live and we're all here to take care of you. Please don't be sad. And…the master's really not that bad when you get to know him."

"I don't want to get to know him." Ritsu said bitterly. "I don't want to have anything to do with him!"

Kisa and Hatori exchanged a glance and quickly determined that they should get their guest out of the front hallway and somewhere more comfortable.

"Chiaki," Hatori said. "Help Master Ritsu up so we can show him to his room."

"Okey dokey." The footrest replied, quickly starting to bump the brunette back on his feet. With the help of Chiaki's sweet enthusiasm, Ritsu half heartedly stood up, still hanging his head as he followed Hatori up the mountainous flight of stairs.

The servants led the tired young man to a large bedroom in the east wing, filled with plush furniture and high windows. But after the denizens left, Ritsu didn't so much as glance around before falling onto the bed and drifting off into a defeated, restless sleep.

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><p>The sweet melody of a bird's song drifted into Ritsu's ear, and he stirred as a warm ray of sun lazily spread across his face, gently rousing him from his slumber.<p>

The brunette's eyes briefly opened, but closed again as he rolled over on the comfortable bed, not quite ready to get up—

"Good morning dumbass. The earth says hello."

The young man started as he heard a voice dripping with skepticism coming from the end of the bed. He sat up, and bit back his surprise as he saw Kisa the laptop sitting—er standing…er whatever there. Ritsu's memories of yesterday came back in a roaring flood, and he sat there staring blankly at the servant before said servant got quite annoyed.

"Are you gonna get up or what? I can't leave until you do." Kisa moaned, hopping down off the edge of the bed.

"Er—yeah. I'm coming." Ritsu nodded, pulling back the covers and sitting up.

"Follow me dumbass," The laptop muttered, heading in short jumps for the door. The young man followed in a slightly confused manner as Kisa lead him down several hallways and then to the main staircase. And once Ritsu was halfway down, he heard a loud commotion come from below.

"PRINCESS PRINCESS PRINCESS! GOOD MORNING GOOD MORNING!"

Ritsu glanced down at the laptop as it gave a heavy sigh. At the bottom of the staircase was naturally Chiaki, who was bounding up and down waiting for the young man. Nearby stood Hatori as well as two other objects, who looked like a TV remote and a coffee pot. Ritsu reached the end of the stairs and Hatori took a hop forward.

"Good morning Master Ritsu, I trust your sleep was restful?"

"…S—Somewhat, thank you." He replied, still not quite used to talking to people that collectively looked like they belonged in the Home Depot.

Hatori grunted in reply, then turned to the remote and coffee pot.

"Master, may I introduce two more servants of the castle. This is Yuu and Mino."

"Nice to meet you Princess." Yuu said, his tone lit with cunning.

"Welcome." The coffee pot replied in cheer. "Let us show you around!"

Ritsu raised a hand nervously.

"That's—that's okay…I…I really don't want to."

"Why not Princess?" Chiaki asked.

Ritsu lowered his eyes to the floor.

"I just…I really don't want to be here." He murmured, his shoulders sagging. He swallowed hard, trying to push back his rising anxiety and despair.

"Oh Princess, it's okay." The footrest said, nuzzling up to the young man's leg. "The castle is a great place to live. We have a pool!"

Yuu glanced over at Kisa wonderingly.

"We have a pool? Where?"

Ritsu raised an eyebrow in confusion as Chiaki kept puttering.

"And there's tons of food and a big yard to run around in and lots of outdoor games to play and—"

"Oh! Speaking of that," Kisa interrupted. "Stay away from the tennis court."

"Why?" The brunette asked.

"Well er—long story but to make it short one of the enchanted rose bushes went feral and it's eaten a whole bunch of squirrels and…just don't go near it. We think it may move to bigger prey…"

"And on that note," Yuu continued. "If someone in the garage offers you a 'lemon snow cone,' for obvious reasons, don't eat it. Those guys have a terrible sense of humor."

"And don't go out into the yard on Sundays." Mino said. "The riding lawn mower likes to play tag."

"And most importantly," Hatori added. "It would be wise not to go into the master's room in the west wing."

The first pieces of advice Ritsu immediately committed to memory, but the last one seemed to spark his curiosity instead.

"…Um excuse me but…why not?"

Hatori shifted around uncomfortably and Ritsu felt even more intrigued. Was that hideous, bad tempered beast hiding something? What was it…

"Well, you see Master." Hatori said hesitantly. "The master's room is…it's…"

"Yes?" Ritsu said, egging him on. "Tell me."

"IT'S SO GODDAMNED MESSY!"

Ritsu flinched as the clock fell forward onto its face in agony.

"There's absolutely no order to it! It's just complete chaos!" Hatori writhed. Ritsu grimaced at the display, a little sorry he'd asked.

"But yeah," Kisa said, ignoring Hatori. "Aside from a few…eccentricities… the castle is a pretty great place to live. You'll get used to it."

"Uh huh," Mino said cheerfully. "Now why don't we show you to a place that's more comfortable so you can relax."

"Oooo! Let's go take him to meet Yukina!" Chiaki rambled. "Come on Princess! I'll show you."

Ritsu began to follow the bounding footrest down the hall, while the other servants hopped lazily behind.

"Good thing we have Chiaki to tell him how great the castle is. No way do I wanna conduct a full scale tour." Kisa muttered.

"Ditto." Yuu replied. "Though at least those pesky next door neighbors finally moved away."

"No kidding." Kisa replied. "They were crazy and so goddamned loud and all that tea they kept throwing was peeling the paint off the shuffleboard court."

"I know," Yuu moaned. "Remember when they celebrated Takano's unbirthday?"

"Yes," Kisa spat. "Longest and worst 364 days of my entire life!"

"Hey Yuu," Mino piped up as they turned a corner. "Where is Hisashi? I haven't seen him a few days."

Yuu chuckled.

"Probably hiding. Takano got depressed last week so his misanthropy is probably still recovering."

"I don't blame him." Kisa muttered. "The castle may be great but that guy is fucking insane sometimes…"

"Yeah," Yuu added. "But at least he's not as loud as—"

"HELLOOOOOO!"

"…Yukina." Yuu grimaced.


	6. Chapter 6

Hello peeps. Sorry this has taken so long to update but I've been stuck over in Uke Flu land lol (plus with all the anime I watch on Netflix it's amazing I ever get anything done...)

Anyways I can't believe how many hits this story has already and I am extremely grateful to you all! ^_^ I hope you continue to enjoy and have fun with the crack.

**Sincerely,**

**TBF101**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Five: Here We are Now. Entertain Us.<strong>

Ritsu yelped as the booming voice hit him with the force of a wind gust and nearly knocked him off his feet. He stumbled, holding up an arm to shield himself from…

An entertainment center?

"HI! HI HI HI HI HI!"

Ritsu flinched again and stuffed his fingers in his ears as the thundering voice blasted from huge loudspeakers that were distributed all around the living room. Slightly flinching as well, Chiaki hopped between Ritsu's ankles and called out.

"Yukina! Turn down your volume!"

"OH. SORRY!…Ah, is this better?"

"Much," Chiaki yipped. "Princess I'd like you to meet Yukina."

Ritsu's green eyes tentatively rose and glanced in awe at the giant entertainment center, complete with flat screen TV, DVD player, stereo, and surround sound. Truth be told, it was an impressive sight.

"Uh, nice to meet you." Ritsu nodded to the screen.

"It's my pleasure!" Yukina squeed back. "Oh my gosh what a lovely princess! Master must absolutely love you!"

Ritsu's lips tightened slightly at the words "love" and "master" in the same sentence (the "Princess" thing was a WHOLE other issue), but didn't reply. He glanced around as the other servants finally entered the room (slowly, so as not to surprise and make Yukina's speakers shriek again).

"Yes, this is one of the castle's many living rooms." Hatori drawled. "But it's a popular space because this also where Yukina is."

"That's right!" Yukina chirped excitedly. "Can I entertain you Princess? Play a blu-ray? Turn on the news! HOW BOUT SOME RELAXING MUSIC?"

Everyone winced again and Yukina murmured an apology and turned down his volume again. It had a habit of creaking up whenever he got overly enthusiastic.

"So master Ritsu," Hatori bowed. "We shall take our leave as we all have tasks to accomplish. If there is anything you require please do not hesitate to ask."

"I am a little hungry." Ritsu replied.

"Well, there's a microwave in the kitchen Princess." Kisa replied, hopping out the door with the others. "Help yourself."

Ritsu raised an eyebrow as they left, and he couldn't help but think that he'd just missed out on something extraordinarily big and musical…

But he was shaken out of the thought as he heard a quiet whimper. He glanced down at Chiaki who was rubbing against his leg again.

"Umm…Princess…"

Ritsu cocked his head.

"What is it?"

"Ummm well…I—I have a favor to ask…will you…will you please…"

"Will I what?"

Chiaki gave a couple little hops, looking like he was about to burst.

"Chiaki, what do you—"

"Will you please put your feet on me!" The footstool finally shrieked, sounding the slightest bit embarrassed.

Ritsu cocked a confused eyebrow.

"You want me to…SIT on you?"

"Yes!" Chiaki yipped. "Oh please oh please OH PLEASE put your feet on me!"

"But…I know you're a footrest and all but…why?"

"Oh it feels sooo GOOOD Princess! You have no idea! But the only person with actual feet here is Master, and he's not always down here. Oh I've been waiting for a new pair of feet for so long! Please oh please Princess!"

Ritsu stared with slight shock and pity at the agitated footstool, and finally gave a nod.

"Well, alright. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to relax awhile."

"Really Princess?" Chiaki cheered. "All right! You can go sit in Master's chair! I'm sure he won't mind. He probably won't be awake for half a day anyway."

The footstool enthusiastically hopped over to a large, red velvet chair and placed himself picturesquely in front of it, barely able to contain his excitement. Ritsu followed and eased himself into the comfortable chair, and he let out a contented sigh as he lifted his legs up and planted his feet on Chiaki.

"Wow, this is really nice." Ritsu murmured.

"Ohhhhh," The footrest moaned. "You have such lovely feet."

"And you're really soft," Ritsu sighed.

"I'm lined with suede." Chiaki replied, settling down contentedly into the carpet.

Ritsu hummed, leaning his head back against the chair and letting his eyelids droop.

"Princess," Yukina whispered (though his whisper was pretty much a normal talking voice). "Can I put anything on for you? Music perhaps?"

"Umm, something quiet if you don't mind." Ritsu replied, reopening his eyes.

"You got it!" Yukina barked, immediately tapping into his musical archive for classical. Ritsu's eyes drifted around the room as the notes began to sound, and he found himself extremely peaceful. His eyes caught something and he looked beside the chair, and a smile lit up his face as he saw a couple of stacked books. He reached out and picked one up, thumbing through the pages with quiet care.

"Do you like to read Princess?" Yukina asked.

Ritsu nodded.

"Yeah, I love books. But I've never had that many. My family was kind of poor…well, when they were still alive." He murmured quietly, running his palm lovingly along the leather bound cover of the tome. Chiaki made a quiet whimper.

"Don't worry Princess." He replied, nuzzling his new master's feet. "All of us are your family now. And we have a whole library of books!"

"You do?" Ritsu asked, his eyes widening in surprise.

"Master really likes books too." Yukina enlightened. "We have a gigantic library just down the hall."

"Wow," Ritsu replied. "I'd love to go see it."

"I can take you there if you want." Chiaki yawned, the comfort of feet beginning to make him sleepy.

"Um no that's okay." Ritsu replied, standing up. "I can find it myself."

"It's down the south end of the hall," Yukina said. "The last door on the left….or…is it the last door on the right?…."

"I'll find it." Ritsu spoke, ducking out of the living room and back into the cavernous hallway. He walked quietly, but even still he could hear the hollow echoes of his steps in the high ceilings. Following Yukina's instructions, he traveled down to the far end of the south hall, and made for the last door on the left. He reached up and yanked on the handle, but let out a yelp as the door opened.

"Waaah!" He barked as a mountain of sports equipment and fell out of the coat closet and knocked him to the floor. Ritsu sat up dazedly in the midst of the pile, rubbing his forehead where a soccer ball had hit him. He began to try and extract himself from the junk heap, when he froze. He stilled his body and his eyes widened as he felt struggling movement underneath him, and he jerked as he heard a muffled voice.

"…Ghet offa meh!"

"What?" He stammered.

"_GHET OFFA MEH_!"

Ritsu immediately sprawled backward and scrambled out of the pile, peering around curiously to see what—er who had made the noise. And ever so slowly, a few hockey sticks were pushed out of the way to reveal a thick, fuzzy electric blanket.

The pale yellow blanket grunted in annoyance as it crawled out of the heap with its furry limbs. However, despite it's appearance, it was far from friendly.

"YOU IDIOT!" The blanket screeched. "What the hell is your problem?"

"Uh er…I'm sorry?" Ritsu stammered, cocking his head. "I didn't mean to sit on you."

"Do you have ANY IDEA what you've done!" It yelled back. "It took me THREE DAYS to get up into that closet and now you've ruined my hiding place!"

"Three days?" Ritsu replied in shock. "Why did it take so long?"

From the way the blanket growled, it was apparent that if it had physical fists it probably would've smacked him.

"You try moving at a decent pace when your limbs are made of fleece! Excuuuuse me but I can barely crawl!"

"Um like I said," Ritsu replied, raising both his palms. "I'm sorry for disturbing you… and if you want I can put you back up in the closet."

"Hmmph. Fine." The blanket consented. "So, you must be the 'Princess' I keep hearing Chiaki yell about. What's your name?"

"Ritsu," The brunette replied, leaning down to gather up the yellow folds. "What's yours?"

"Hisashi." The blanket grunted as Ritsu lifted him. The blanket remained silent for a few seconds before he realized that Ritsu hadn't moved.

"Hey bub, what are you waiting for?"

"I'm—I'm sorry. It's just…you're so soft." Ritsu replied airily, his hands squeezing the blanket a bit tighter.

Hisashi visibly deflated as he sighed.

"Alright. Go ahead. Have a feel."

"What?"

"For god's sake cop a feel and get it out of your system!" Hisashi yelled. "Everyone wants a bloody squeeze and I don't have all day!"

"Mmm. Right." Ritsu replied. The brunette wrapped his arms contentedly around the blanket and hugged, sighing as he felt the warmth and soft texture. He leaned his cheek down and inhaled into a fold.

"You smell nice." He murmured.

"Yeah, I'm scented to smell like cinnamon and chamomile." Hisashi growled back. And when Ritsu began to nuzzle him closer, the blanket began to struggle.

"All right already! Put me back in the closet!"

"Er—right." Ritsu replied, extending his arms to put the blanket on a high shelf.

"And make sure you hide me good. I don't want Takano to be able to find me."

Ritsu cocked his head.

"Why not?" (Though he had a pretty good idea.)

"To escape cuddle time." Hisashi muttered wearily, situating himself in between a couple of boxes.

"Oh. I see." Ritsu replied, kicking the fallen equipment back into the closet. "Well er…nice to meet you Hisashi."

"Uh huh." The blanket growled. "Close the door already before someone sees you."

"Right. Uh…bye." The brunette nodded, shutting the closet door. Ritsu glanced around the hall, trying to figure out which door led to the library when he saw a set of large double doors on the right side of the hall. Inwardly shaking his head (at himself and his tour guide), he headed across the corridor.

* * *

><p>Lol, needless to say I am have extraordinary fun writing this. Especially Chiaki considering he's a fan favorite. I kinda got the idea for him watching Dug from the Pixar movie "Up." XD Though i bet you guys can see the resemblance.<p>

Oh yes, and the Hisashi character from this fic is originally an OC from my story "Always." Lol, I use him a lot so most of my readers already know this but it must be repeated for context.

Thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

****Thank you all for your patience and wonderful feedback! :D More up soon!

Love,

The Beastly Flamingo 101

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><p><strong>Chapter Six: Fetish Shack<strong>

"Ohhhh…feeet…oh glorious feet…" Chiaki murmured, nestling his sleeping footrest self further into the carpet. "Oh lovely princess feeeet—"

"CHIAKI."

"Wah!" Chiaki barked as he noticed Hatori standing in front of him. The footrest quickly gathered himself together, backing away from the master's chair.

"What were you doing there?" Hatori asked suspiciously.

"Oh uh nothing, Tori. Nothing at all." Chiaki laughed nervously.

Hatori's clock hands ticked skeptically.

"Chiaki, did you goad master Ritsu into putting his feet on you?" He said, his tone dry with accusation.

"No." Chiaki squeaked huffily.

"Liar. I can see the imprints on your head."

Chiaki let out a growl of pent up frustration and began to hop about.

"But Tori—"

"But NOTHING Chiaki! I thought I told you not to do that anymore! Having other people put their lower appendages on you is demeaning and you should take no part in it."

"But Tori!" Chiaki cut in. "That's what I'm for! I like doing it!"

"That doesn't matter," Tori countered.

"Why not? You're a clock so you always remind people of the time!…Well, you did that when you were human too but…Tori—"

"Will you two cut it out!" A snippy voice rang from the hallway as Kisa hopped over to one of the couches. "I'm trying to run a bloody backup and I can barely concentrate with all your goddamned fuss!"

Hatori growled back irritably, but began hopping out of the room.

"Come on Chiaki, we're not done discussing this."

"Tori! Wait!" Chiaki whined as he followed. "What's wrong with me loving feet?"

"Three words Chiaki: PATHOLOGICAL FOOT FETISH."

"Patho the what now?"

Kisa let out a sigh of exasperation as the two finally took their argument elsewhere. He hadn't really been running a backup, he just wanted Mr. and Mrs. Petty Arguments out.

Besides… it wasn't like he was alone.

"Kisa-san!" Yukina chirped as the laptop hoped onto a loveseat by his monitor. "It's so great to see you!"

Even though the two had just seen each other last night, Yukina always seemed to be under the impression that their visits were few and far between, and he treated it as much.

But still, Kisa couldn't help but feel the slightest bit grateful that the sparkly idiot was always happy to see him. No one else certainly was (unless the wi-fi was out and they needed tech support).

"Nice to see you too Yukina." Kisa muttered, plugging his cord into a nearby outlet. Yukina's volume nearly jumped at the gesture, as it meant that the laptop was setting up shop for a while.

"So whatcha been up to lately?" Yukina asked, all the while searching through his music files for something to "set the mood."

"Not much. I taught Takano how to download today. He's all a flutter."

Yukina chuckled.

"At least it didn't take as long as teaching him what the internet was huh Kisa-san?"

"No shit." The laptop grumbled. "But, this time it may not work out in my favor."

"Why do you say that?"

"Well," Kisa sighed. "If Takano gets too obsessed with downloading…he may start to realize that I can't meet all his demands."

"What do you mean Kisa-san?" Yukina asked, aghast. "You're so amazing and modern!"

"I'm actually quite old. And I don't have as much speed or memory as newer computers. I've—I've even seen Takano…looking at Radio Shack magazines."

Yukina gasped in horror.

"NO!"

"I'm afraid so." Kisa replied, his screen tilting downward.

"Well I won't let it happen!"

"Huh?" Kisa grunted, glancing back up again.

"I don't care if it goes against Master's will! I won't let him replace you! I'll fight him button and cord!" Yukina said, his modern brilliance shinning with a majestic background of sparkles and rose petals. Kisa titled his screen at an angle so as not to be blinded by the sudden heavenly light.

"Er—that's okay Yukina. Even if master does get a new laptop, there's no way he'd just throw me out on the lawn or something. In fact, I'd like a younger me to pawn off on him. I'd get a lot more free time…"

Yukina whined quietly.

"Oh Kisa-san, you're so brave. But don't worry, I'll protect you no matter what."

Kisa mused quietly, a little stunned by his words. But he quickly changed the subject as to save face…er screen.

"So…where did Princess Ritsu wander off to?"

"Oh him? He went to go see the library. He really likes books, just like master."

Kisa virtual mouth dropped at the disclosure and he quickly tugged his cord from the wall.

"KISA-SAN! Where are you going?" Yukina yelped at the laptop hopped down and sped toward the hall.

"Oh shit." Kisa muttered. "I better get down there…otherwise I'm gonna be a Hewlit Packard for the rest of my goddamn life."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Seven: Literary Endings**

Having finished his encounter with the entirely unfriendly cuddle blanket, Ritsu headed over to the correct end of the hallway, where he found an intricate set of double doors. With a heave and a grunt, he managed to haul one of the heavy doors open, and when he poked his head inside, he gasped.

The castle library was a reader's orgasm. The ceilings towered so much they rivaled the sky, and every inch of them was lined with shelves chock full of tomes, hard and paperback alike. Ritsu had never seen so many books, and he squeezed through the doors with an expression of reverent awe. Walking as quietly as he could so as not to disturb the wordly ambiance, he padded over to a nearly table, where a stack of bound stories sat waiting to be read. With all respect, he sat down in a chair and picked one up, thumbing to the first crisp page encased by old leather.

After only taking in the first couple pages, the brunette found himself completely engrossed, and poured through the lines like a former dieter throwing back Pringles. Seconds and minutes ticked by, but Ritsu didn't notice. His perception of his surroundings dwindled, and none of his senses detected that there was movement elsewhere in the room, and that he was not alone.

But he eventually was pulled out of his literary reverie when he felt a brush of warm breath lingering on the back of his neck.

"That's a good one. Though I hated the ending."

Ritsu full on jumped out of his chair at the voice, throwing himself away from the table and dropping the book in the process. And his alarm mingled with anger as he saw Takano, swishing tail and all, leaning smugly against the back of the table. The beast crept forward, bending down and picking up the fallen book.

"I would be more careful with these if I were you." He said coyly. "That is, if you have any respect for books."

Ritsu swallowed hard at the man's bite. (Well the figurative one anyway…)

"…I do. You just… startled me…is all."

"Hmm," Takano grunted, his mouth beginning to curl. "I see. Do you like my library?"

Ritsu's eyes peered around at the lined shelves, and he nodded.

"Yes…"

"I can tell." The beast purred, his bushy tail flicking as he moved closer. "Do you want to come over and read with me? I have a nice little nook over there." He said, pointing to a shadowy corner with a couple of beanbags and large pillows.

Ritsu was tempted by the offer of a quiet place with which to lose himself into his reading, but even still, he hesitated.

Takano waited anxiously, his wolf ears flickering back and forth as he studied Ritsu's face.

"Al—Alright." Ritsu finally murmured. Takano grinned and sauntered forward to hand Ritsu back his book, his bare chest rippling as he walked. He passed him the tome, but just when Ritsu was caught off guard, Takano snatched his wrist with one hand and snaked his other arm around the trim waist. Ritsu struggled in surprise.

"What—What are you doing?" He barked/squeaked out. "Let go!"

"No need to get so flustered." Takano chuckled, hauling the man closer to his body. His keen nose drifted down and he inhaled into Ritsu's chestnut mop, mumbling with pleasure. "What a lovely scent you have…"

"LET GO!" Ritsu barked, struggling harder against the beast's grip. Takano's face only drew closer at his cries, and his long, wagging tongue slipped out to lap at Ritsu's ear.

At the slick feeling, Ritsu panicked and jerked with all his might, the heave actually breaking Takano's grip enough for him to escape. He turned and bolted out the library door, shutting and locking it. But the thump that sounded on the other side indicated the beast was not pleased.

"HEY! Just where the hell do you think you're going?" Takano roared. "You get back in here or I'll—I'll break down the door!"

"No way! I'm not going anywhere NEAR you!" Ritsu screamed in retaliation. "You've been on my ass since the second I got to this crummy place and I'm not gonna take it!"

"Hun," Takano clucked. "Believe me, I haven't even BEGUN to get on your ass yet! Now will you come back in?"

"NO!"

Takano growled, beginning to lose his already minimal patience.

"It would give me greeeaaat pleasure…if you would JOIN ME FOR A READ…..please."

"NO THANK YOU!"

"FINE!" Takano yelled back. "Try getting back in here without me! By my tail and horns if you ever set foot in here I'll tackle you and use you as my scratching post!"

"Hah! Tail and horns is right!" Ritsu screamed back. "And just what the hell are you anyway? Are you a furry!"

"I'M NOT A GODDAMNED FURRY!" The furry—er beast screamed, his howl echoing all the way down the halls of the castle. The slight jarring of the stone building shook Ritsu out of his anger and he quickly turned and galloped down the hall, lest the beast break out and chase him down. Halfway down the corridor he stopped as he saw Kisa approaching him.

Resisting his first impulse to yell "Hey Twatsu," Kisa sighed and stopped in front of the panting princess, dryly commenting,

"So, I take it you two ran into each other?"

In between his racing breaths, Ritsu gritted his teeth and pointed an angry finger back down the hall.

"How—How on earth can you live with that—with that BEAST! He's horrid! This whole place is horrid! Why the hell did I have to be trapped in here! What did I ever do to deserve this shit!"

Kisa sighed again, tapping his plug on the floor.

"The guy's an ass. Get used to it."

"I shouldn't have to!" Ritsu barked back, clenching his fists. "And none of you should either! I hate this place! I—"

"OH CAN IT!" Kisa interrupted, his tone taking on a new snarl. "You've done nothing but whine since you got here and I'm sick of it! You think you got problems? I'm a goddamned motherboard on wheels and MY FUCKING IDIOT LOVER HAS SURROUNDED SOUND SPEAKERS! So before you go mouthing off about Takano hitting on you why don't you take a good long look at THINGS IN PERSPECTIVE!"

Ritsu stared in disbelief at the laptop, his lower lip slack.

"And for god's sake." Kisa growled further. "Don't go mouthing off about him within earshot! That guy has hearing like Dumbo and it's Capulets like you that bloody the streets for the rest of us Veronians!"

Ritsu shook his head, the stress of the situation watering his eyes.

"…I just want to get out." He murmured, holding his head in his hands.

Kisa rolled his electronic eyes and began to hop back the way he came, his temper making his mouth a bit more lax than it should have.

"Then why don't you go find the back door Princess?" He snapped, turning a corner and leaving Ritsu alone.

The brunette's eyes widened at the words and he lifted his head.

…The back…door?

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you all for your awesome reviews 1000x! :DDDD More to come soon!<strong>

**Love,**

**TBF101**

P.s. Somebody asked if there were going to be any lemons in this story.

Answer: Yes :) in just a few more chapters actually. Stick around for the fun.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Eight: The Rear Entry and Other Inappropriate Innuendos**

Okay, there was something majorly wrong with this play.

Ritsu warily peaked around the corner of another corridor, then softly walked down it, his eyes darting around for any trace of a secret exit. Kisa didn't seem like the type of person to lie…wait…scratch that, but even still, something in the tone of his voice made Ritsu certain that there was indeed another way out of this castle, and he intended to find it.

He rounded another corner, walking past the kitchen just in time to see a plate and a spoon run across the tiled floors together as they were pursued by what looked to be some very unhappy in-laws.

Ritsu put a hand out to touch the cold, stony wall, patting around carefully to see if he could find a hidden spot or a leaver. As hell bent as Takano was to keep everyone holed up in this godforsaken pit, Ritsu guessed that the exit had to be discretely hidden. It wasn't like it would be right out in the open.

But…then again, Kisa hadn't said "_secret exit_." He'd said "back door."

Ritsu shook his head. Nah. They were just messing with him. There's no way a thing like that would just be right out there in broad daylight. The writers pulled that same gag in Junjou Patronus. No chance in hell they would use that crappy convenient plot twist again—

But…as Ritsu reached the end of yet another long hallway, his mouth dropped down to the floor.

There, right above a set of black double doors, was a blinking red EXIT sign.

Staring at it with a mixture of horror and WTF syndrome, he stepped up to the door and put his hand on it.

"….This is so stupid." He said to himself. "There's no way in hell…."

But there was a way in hell, because when he lightly pushed on the cold metal, it opened, giving him a clear view of a path across the yard that led into the woods.

"Hot damn…" Ritsu murmured, silently thanking the god of parodies. He turned his head and glanced over his shoulder, a smirk curving his lips.

"So long Takano." He murmured before dashing out the door and into the shadowy folds of the woods.

* * *

><p>By the time Kisa had hopped his way back to the living room, he realized he had just made a very obvious, very stupid mistake. Knowing what a complete moron that Ritsu chick was, there was no doubt he would high tail it straight to the back exit and escape from their clutches (not that Kisa himself cared, but he would be hanged with his own cord if Takano found out).<p>

So the laptop quickly shuffled into the living room, finding Chiaki and Yuu lounging by the couch watching _Lady and the Tramp_ on Yukina_. _

"Kisa-san!" The flatscreen barked as he saw his beloved.

"Oy buttheads! We have to go find that stupid princess!" Kisa barked.

"Why?" Yuu yawned. "What's wrong with him? Besides the obvious…"

"He found out about the fucking back door." Kisa growled (though he didn't say how). "He's probably running around the halls now trying to find it."

"Shit…" Yuu muttered, hoping down from atop Chiaki. "That thing's easy to find. We'd better hurry. Chiaki, run upstairs and find more help."

"You got it!" Chiaki chirped, bouncing off in an instant. Yuu and Chiaki followed him, starting to glance down the nearby halls for signs of their runaway bride.

"So," Yuu murmured, glancing over at Kisa. "Tell me again exactly how the Princess found out about the emergency exit?"

Kisa electronically gulped, and hurriedly stuttered a reply.

"Oh one of those fucktards in the kitchen let it slip. By the way, did you hear that dish and spoon finally eloped? Their parents are furious."

"I heard." Yuu replied, eyeing the laptop suspiciously. "Yukina's probably gonna want to throw a party."

"Not if we don't tell him." Kisa humphed. "Any sign of that bitch—er princess?"

"I don't see anything—"

"KISA! YUU!"

The remote and the computer glanced to the top of the stairs, where Chiaki was leaping around frantically next to a large window.

"What is it?" Yuu called.

"I just saw the Princess running across the front lawn! He's gone out into the woods!"

"Damn it!" Kisa yelled, mentally banging his screen against the wall.

"Chill. It's not that big a deal." Yuu said coolly. "The writers planned for this to happen eventually. Ritsu's just an early bloomer."

"Ugh," Kisa moaned. "Why did they decide to put that thing in there anyway?"

"The writers are pervs." Yuu replied. "They thought the innuendo of the back door was funny."

"Oh crap in the Mississippi." Kisa whined again. "What are we gonna do when Takano finds out—"

"HEY! EVERYONE OUT HERE RIGHT NOW!" An all too familiar voice boomed from near the library door. Having broken out of the library, Takano sauntered in, sipping an iced coffee. He approached the other three, glaring at them irksomely.

"I have a serious issue to discuss with all of you. Whoever keeps taking the Vanilla Frappucinos out of my mini fridge needs to cut it out or I'm gonna open up a large can of butt whoop." The beast snarled, tilting his head back to take a swig.

"Master Master!" Chiaki yelled in a panic. "The Princess has gone out the rear entry!"

"_SPPPHHHHHHHXXXX!" _Takano's eyes bugged out of his head and a spray of Vanilla Frappucino flew out his mouth, sending drops of coffee splattering onto Kisa's screen. After coughing a couple times, he looked at Chiaki in horror.

"…Ritsu did the WHAT?"

"He escaped out the back door." Yuu quickly enlightened, shaking his buttons at Chiaki's untimely word choice.

"What!" Takano growled, his tail swishing angrily.

"Yep, just saw him belting across the front lawn." Kisa added, again omitting certain info concerning his whereabouts at the time.

"Damn that stupid convenient plot device!" The beast cursed. "The story was doing just fine without it. Man if this were my play I'd—"

"Master hurry!" Chiaki cried from the window. "Princess Ritsu has gone into the woods!"

At the mention of the woods, Takano paled, bearing his teeth in angry and worry.

"That idiot!" He barked, crouching down on all fours and bounding down the hall like a hunting dog. "Doesn't he know there are wolves in the forest! He doesn't stand a chance!"

The three watched as Takano bolted straight out the exit doors, and Kisa let out a sigh.

"Hey Yuu, what is this story categorized as again?"

"Uh," Yuu replied, checking his script. "Parody and Romance. Why?"

"Hah," The laptop laughed, wiping a few more drops of Starbucks from his screen. "They might wanna consider changing that Romance to Angst."

* * *

><p>The amount of people that have subscribe, faved, and reviewed this fic really makes me laugh XD<p>

And it also makes me incredibly happy ^_^ Thank you for supporting the insanity! Kisses to you all!

**Puppyfacetwo**- Glad you like this! And we will cross the beastiality issue bridge when we come to it XD

**Lumoa**- don't worry, I rarely write a story that doesn't have a lemon ;)

**Sangosnow26, Fauchocolat, Isadora Yokwan, Soi Kusa, MyNameIsSara, Ricchan14, mochiusagi, zarda569, KiyameHikari-chan, JoanIncarnate**- Thank you all for your wonderful and loyal reviews! ^_^ Your praise makes me squee!

**leekspinner**- An OVA? Like that'll ever happen XD

**Envyyyy**- Whoa! Looks like someone saw the back door joke coming from afar XDD

**Cerberus Revised**- Tee hee, it's always a goal of mine to get my dog's tail wagging ;) for one reason or another. *wink* Kisses to your sloppy wet nose! Hope you enjoy the update my dear ^_^

**Guess what all? Next chappie will feature three of SIH's favorites ;) So stick around and drop a review! **

**Love, **

**TBF101**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Nine: Werebears of London**

It only took about fifteen minutes of running before Ritsu realized where exactly he was.

Lost as hell.

In fact, he was almost regretting the fact that he'd run as blindly as he had, with no provisions and no fucking idea where he was going. Even still, he wasn't about to try and find his way back to the castle of hell. No way, he'd stay out here and be eaten by the wolves before he let that…

Ritsu stopped cold, glancing nervously around the black canopy of the forest. He'd forgotten entirely about the wolves. In fact, he'd forgotten about a lot of things…like how dark and scary the woods were.

The brunette's steps became slower as he continued on, dead leaves crunching under his feet and branches creaking in the wind—

"Hey! You up there!"

The narrator glanced down from his place at the stupid heroine, who was looking at him with worried eyes.

"Oh greeeaaaat," He growled. "NOW what do you want!"

"Do you know how to get out of these woods?" Ritsu pleaded, glancing around nervously. "I'm a little lost."

"Hah, lost. Good one." The narrator sneered.

"I mean it! I really am lost!"

"Well I'm a Taurus." The narrator replied. "Glad to meet you. Now shoo, you're an eyesore."

"Please!" Ritsu called. "You're the narrator! You must know the way out."

"News flash Princess: you're the heroine. It's not _my_ job to help you, it's your job to get bitch screwed while I narrate your misery. And speaking of misery, the plot is waiting. So I suggest you get your prissy butt moving before I kick it to yonder oak tree!"

"But—"

"No no NO!" The narrator finally screamed, pointing a harsh finger in the direction of a clearing. "STOP WHINNING and GET YOUR ASS OVER THERE!"

Ritsu dejectedly complied, walking away from the narrator and into the clearing at the end of the path. His green eyes went wide as he looked up and saw the blackening sky, and the gray clouds mingled with the dark tops of the trees. It was almost night, but what's more, a storm was pulling in.

_Crack. _

Ritsu whipped around as the sharp sound caught his ear, his eyes darting to and fro for the cause of it. But the only thing he could see was a breeze that caught the tree branches in its fingers. He heard it again. The sound of movement, of things unknown lurking.

And suddenly going back to the castle was starting to sound reaaaaaally good…

Ritsu swallowed hard, clenching his trembling hands into fists as he stepped further into the clearing.

"H—Hello?…" He called hesitantly.

Terror raced down his spine as a low growl sounded from behind him, and in his fright, he lost his footing, tripping over a stone and falling to the ground. The back of his head collided with a tree trunk as he landed, and his eyes briefly went blank from the pain. But they shot back open as more growing and rustling came from across the clearing, this time louder and closer. Ritsu gritted his teeth, and as a dark shadow pounced from the brush, he erupted into a scream.

"RARR!"

Ritsu's eyes widened as the figure came into the dim light. To his shock, it wasn't a wolf.

It was…a bear…in a pink dress…

"Raaaarr raaaarr!" The golden-haired bear growled again, waving her paws around with a toothy grin.

"Oh great roar honey!" A deeper, masculine voice cheered as two more figures emerged from the foliage. "Isn't she darling Mama bear?" A tall, golden haired bear grinned.

The other, a dark-haired bear with a scowl and an apron, didn't look as enthusiastic.

"Uhh…." Ritsu stuttered. "What…who are you?" He practically squeaked out in fright.

The tallest bear flashed his white teeth.

"I'm Kirishima, the papa bear."

"And I'm Hiyori!" The littlest squeed. "The baby bear!"

"…And I'm Yokozawa…" The dark one growled. "The…mama bear."

"And together," Kirishima grinned. "We are the fearsome wolves of the forest oh frightened and delicious trespasser."

"But you're…b—bears?" Ritsu said, extremely confused and wincing as pain shot through his head.

Kirishima shrugged.

"Yes well, we're filming _Unsuspecting Uke and the Three Bears_ just one set over and we didn't have time to change into our wolf costumes."

His injured head still throbbing, Ritsu found it extremely difficult to process all this odd information, but he was still aware enough to know that bears were carnivores, and they outnumbered him. He experimentally tried to prop himself up, but his shaking arms gave out underneath the weight of his heavy head.

Yokozawa noticed his movement and gave a light smirk.

"Good luck with that." He chuckled, his dark eyes glinting. Kirishima noticed and grinned as well.

"And now," He announced. "We shall eat you and it will be in accordance with our story. So sweetie what does that mean?"

"Papa's meat will be too hot, Mama's meat will be too cold, and my meat will be just right!" Hiyori chirped proudly.

Kirishima beamed at her response and turned back to Ritsu, his tongue slicking along his lower lip.

"That's right." He grinned, walking towards their prey. He lowered his upper body down to the ground, crouching in preparation to strike. "No hard feelings Miss, but fish gotta swim, bears gotta eat, and I have a Mama to love as soon as we get back to the sweet ole cottage. Right Yoko?"

"Shut it Zen. Stop playing with your food and just to the point already!" Yokozawa growled, folding his muscled arms across his chest.

"Hmmhmm, if you say so." Kirishima grinned. "So long Princess."

Ritsu shut his eyes and covered his face with his hands as the bear raced forward, cries flying from his mouth as fear enveloped him.

And in that one quiet moment when his life flashed before his eyes, he found himself only thinking one, solitary word.

_Takano…_

"GRRAAAAAAHHHH!" Came a bellowing roar just before Kirishima reached Ritsu. The bear slid to a stop as a huge black beast raced forward and cut him off, putting himself between them and his princess. Takano bared his fangs and let loose another fiercesome roar, his clawed hand swiping forward and catching Kirishima on the chest. The golden bear howled back, baring his own teeth as Yokozawa scooped up Hiyori and crouched protectively.

Takano snarled threateningly, his wolf ears laid back and his tail whipping furiously.

"Get back." He spat, his bloody claws digging into the ground.

Kirishima's hackles rose and his fierce eyes locked on the black beast. He made no move to comply with Takano's orders, but instead flexed his broad shoulders, emitting a low growl.

"And what if I say no?"

Takano's amber eyes narrowed and slowly slid over to Yokozawa, who was holding Hiyori in his arms. Kirishima didn't have to glance back to know what Takano intended, and his growls grew even more primal. Yokozawa bared his teeth as well, beginning to back away with their daughter. Even if they did outnumber the beast, they couldn't dare stage a group attack with their vulnerable cub so close. The playing field was too even for Yokozawa's liking, and he knew it was high time to cut their loses.  
>"Zen." He said plainly, his eyes still fixed on the black wolf.<p>

Kirishima let out another brutal growl, grinding his teeth together and glaring at Takano with fury.

The beast stared back with equal violence, his claws unconsciously clenching deeper into the ground.

"ZEN!" Yokozawa barked, this time with more force. A deep growl rose in his chest and he let out a snarling rumble in an attempt to gain his partner's attention.

Kirishima eyes flickered over his shoulder briefly, and his lips folded back over his teeth as he began to back away, making sure to keep Takano in his sights as he did.

Takano watched them go, his own jaw closing as they finally turned and headed back into the thicket with their cub. Once their scent had faded Takano whipped around and kneeled next to Ritsu, carefully placing his paw on the brunette's cheek.

"Ritsu," He whispered. "Are you okay?"

Green trembling eyes stared back at him and Ritsu was unable to respond as his skin paled and his body began to shake.

"Are you hurt?" Takano pressed, his worry rising.

But with a final shiver, Ritsu's eyes closed and his head rolled downward as he fainted, his body going limp.

Takano swallowed hard, and quickly gathered the brunette in his strong arms. He felt the lump on the back of Ritsu's head and involuntarily winced at the size. Carefully arranging him on his back, Takano stood up and began to carry him back to the castle as a few droplets of rain fell from the clouds.

* * *

><p><strong>Wow, two chappies in one day :) Ya'll are spoiled. See what happens when you review? It gets me all pumped to write! ^_^<strong>

**Thanks again for reading!**

**Love, **

**TBF101**


	11. Chapter 11

So you may have noticed that I bumped the rating up to M. And that's because it's lemon time.

And there are a lot of reasons why we could get into the whole issue of beastiality with this thing, but I request that we not.

Because I know for a FACT that at least half the people reading/reviewing this story read (and LOVED) "Neko Hiro" and are currently reading "Sekai Ichi Catsukoi."

And at the end of the day, how much different are cat ears than beast ears? :) So we are just going to view this whole thing as entertainment. Then again, if anyone is trying to view this entire fic seriously and not as pure parody entertainment, you've got some reaaaal work cut out for you.

So I hope you all enjoy the Ritsu pie, and thank you all for being patient with updates. I'm finally at the end of my hell week and I'm glad I could at least get one update out today. (And for those of you who are also following Uke Flu: yes I know it's been forever. I promise to get it out soon :3 )

**Beastly kisses,**

**TBF101**

**Chapter Ten: Le Furry ce Chic**

"Uhhh…" Ritsu quietly groaned as his mind surfaced back into consciousness. He blinked a couple of times, and was immediately greeted by a slight throb near the back of his head. The place was extremely dim, and he had a hard time even making out the shadowy corners of what appeared to be a bedroom. But in spite of his bewilderment at where he was and how he got here, Ritsu suddenly noticed just how wonderfully warm he was. He shifted around, rolling from his side onto his back, but when he did, he realized two key factors that contributed to his heated state.

One: Takano was sleeping next to him.

Two: They were both naked.

The brunette let out a frightened yelp and began to try and extract himself from the beast's strong arms when a wave of shock and memories began to flood back into his head. He began to remember what had happened in the woods, the bears and the terror he felt. And finding himself still alive and with minimal wounds, Ritsu was immediately overcome with pouring emotion.

His sharp ears hearing Ritsu stir, Takano's eyes flicked open. The beast had expected to get quite a yelling and probably even a slug or two from his feisty recaptured princess, especially considering he had stripped them both upon arriving. It hadn't been done out of malice, on the contrary, they were soaking wet when they got back to the castle and getting them to bed was the quickest way to offset pneumonia. Even still, knowing what a whinny prude Ritsu was on a normal day, Takano now feared the worst.

But the last thing he expected was to see Ritsu lying there, shaking with tears rolling down his cheeks. The reduced state of the snarky brunette stirred a worry in Takano, and he reached over and gently placed a paw on the wet cheek.

"Ritsu, are you okay? Why are you crying?"

The brunette opened his mouth, but all the came out was a strangled sob. Takano was at a loss of what to do. Having shut his beastly self away from the world, he knew nothing of empathy or loving others. He didn't know shit about romance either, all those prissy flowers and spouting off random things in French. The beast stared quietly at the crying brunette, and after a bit of awkward thought reached his arms around to bring Ritsu closer. And surprisingly (completely out of character), Ritsu didn't protest but rested his chin against Takano's shoulder, quietly shivering.

Seeing that this had a somewhat positive effect, Takano let a new, gentler set of instincts take over, resting his cheek against the rain damp head of hair.

"Shhh," He whispered as Ritsu let out another sob. "It's all right. You're okay now."

Although Ritsu still cried, his words and touch seemed to calm the poor guy, so Takano cooed quietly into his ear, his hands tracing circles along Ritsu's bare back.

The brunette began to shake harder and Takano noticed his hair was still pretty wet. Very slowly, he let his long tongue stretch out and give a slight lick to the dripping locks. When Ritsu didn't react negatively, he grew bolder and was soon steadily lapping with his dog-like tongue, carefully cleaning the chestnut head. When he had finished, he began to move down to Ritsu's neck and shoulders, concentrating all his energy on his task.

"Ohhh…"

Takano's eyes went wide and his tongue stopped as the brunette gave a low moan, his eyes peacefully half closed. He had stopped sobbing and even his eyes were starting to dry. As carefully as he could manage, Takano lifted his head and swiped his long tongue along Ritsu's cheek, licking away the streaks of tears. Ritsu quietly hummed at the gesture, sinking further back into the bed.

Seeing the handsome countenance of his captive so close, Takano felt his jaw clench and animal heat race through his body. He knew this was a dumbfuck idea, and he would probably pay for it later in many, many ways, but seeing Ritsu so vulnerable and broken in his arms stirred him like nothing else ever had. So very tentatively, Takano leaned over and lightly kissed him, giving his lips a little sweep of his rough tongue.

The brunette's eyes flickered wider at the touch, and he grunted into Takano's mouth as he deepened the kiss, gently sliding his tongue in between Ritsu's lips. The oral embrace was unlike anything Ritsu had ever experienced, and yet the wonderful heat in his mouth calmed his frenzied mind.

Fueled with arousing fire, Takano's mouth went back over to Ritsu's neck, mouthing it with careful teeth and tongue. His large hands also went to work, squeezing tender nipples and running through the smaller man's tousled locks. His attentions had Ritsu letting out breathy sighs, and when Takano's fingers danced along his hipline, his body bucked. Ritsu's hands snatched Takano's paw as it drifted towards his erection, his fingers shaking with worry.

"Shhhh," Takano breathed, planting a kiss on his cheek. "You're all right. You're okay."

His words seemed to reassure the shivering youth, and he released his grip, wrapping his arms around Takano's neck and gasping as that large hand began to stroke him.

Ritsu's eyes clamped shut and his lips parted as pleasure flared up in his head and cock. He moaned louder, his fingernails almost digging into the beast's shoulders. Takano stared at his enraptured face, his tongue lagging out as he panted lustfully and stroked Ritsu's harder, evoking more cries of sensation. He readjusted, climbing over the brunette and straddling his waist as he nipped along the heaving sides of the lean torso.

"Uhhh….AH!" Ritsu gasped as his mouth went lower, his long tongue licking his member from base to tip, making the small set of hips undulate. A feral growl surfaced in Takano's throat and put his hands under Ritsu's knees, spreading them apart. The brunette gritted his teeth, shuddering as Takano mouthed his balls and entrance, his rough tongue creating even more sensational friction. Ritsu could hear Takano's throaty pants growing louder and deeper with arousal, and when he felt Takano's engorged member press against his own, a small tear leaked out of the corner of his eye. That same rough tongue lapped it away as the Takano mounted him, his bushy tail wagging wildly and his ears laid back.

"AHH!" Ritsu cried as he was penetrated, another tear slipping down his cheek. He breathed deeply, more gasps flying past his lips as Takano began to move. The thrusts began slow, but the pain and the pleasure was multiplied by the hesitant pace. Ritsu let out another squeak as Takano nipped his neck, his hot breaths ghosting against his ear.

As the black beast quickened his pace, Ritsu dropped his arms, folding them across his face as pleasure and embarrassment flushed his body. But his eyes shot open in fear as he felt strong hands take his wrists and stretched them above his head, leaving his expression wide open for Takano to see. His mouth was once again engulfed with Takano's licking tongue, and as the thrusts grew deeper, his moans were swallowed whole by the beast.

More tears began to stream down the brunette's face as he approached his climax, and he broke his mouth out of the kiss, straining for air as a knot twisted in his lower stomach. Takano let him catch his breath, moving his mouth down to suck harshly at the pale neck, leaving a bruising mark on the skin. He felt Ritsu tense underneath him and the brunette began to gasp in release. Right before he came, Takano mouth caught his again and forced it open, drinking in his climaxing moan with ashamed desire. He let Ritsu's head rest back on the pillow and increased his pace, relishing the cries of the brunette as he came himself, emitting a deep growl in the back of his throat that echoed up to the high ceiling.

The two lay there panting for some time before Ritsu's eyelids began to droop. Takano rearranged them both, pulling the sweaty brunette up to lay on his chest as he once again licked the head of hair clean. Soon Ritsu's tears dried and his eyes closed, his breaths peaceful as he slept on Takano's chest, his fear and shock dissolved in warm afterglow.

Takano meanwhile, was wide awake and staring at the ceiling with a rather disturbed expression.

He had just banged his post traumatic stressed princess like a dog in heat.

Wasn't this supposed to be a kid's story?

Because if it was before…it sure wasn't now….


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Eleven: Jurassic Blanket**

"…Princess?…Princess?"

Ritsu murmured in his sleep, his eyes wearily fluttering open as he awoke a second time. He groggily sat up and was surprised to see most of the household gathered at his bedside, though Takano was now absent.

"Good, you're awake." Hatori said from the night table. "Are you feeling well Master Ritsu?"

"I…guess." Ritsu replied, tenderly touching the bump on the back of his head. It was still sore, but considerably smaller than he remembered. He shifted around in the bed and immediately noticed that he was clean and clothed in a pair of soft pajamas, which was much more comfortable than being naked. But with that thought, the memories of last night's "events" rolled back, and he found his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. What in hell had come over him last night? Crying and clinging to Takano and—….that.

Ritsu swallowed hard, the hue of his flush deepening. In order to shake those thoughts away he turned back to servants, and quickly recognized a snooty computer in their midst.

"Hey twat waffle." Kisa greeted, barely looking at him.

"Shut it Hewlitt Packard!" Yuu barked. "Most of this is your fault."

"Yeah, and it's not nice to call people waffles!" Chiaki added, hopping up to the bedside and humming as Ritsu reached down and patted his cushion. But at the mention of fault, Ritsu suddenly remembered something that made him scowl at the varied appliances, all of which caught his look and raised imaginary eyebrows.

"What is it Princess?" Mino asked cheerfully.

"All of you," Ritsu replied angrily. "You all lied to me! You told me there was no way out of the castle and made this big deal about how you were all trapped here! But in truth you stay here willingly!"

The servants collectively sighed and rolled their eyes.

"Technically Master Ritsu," Hatori drawled. "We only half lied. Yes, you can get out through the back door, but only once. And since you have reentered the castle, you will no longer be able to use the exit."

The news hit Ritsu hard, and he slumped against the headboard of the bed, still fuming even through his shock.

"Even if you can only use it once," He growled. "Why don't you all just run away?"

"Are you still going on about that?" Kisa moaned. "Sit back and smell the roses ding dong! This castle is a dream home! A huge mansion with a pool, all the food we can eat (if we could), free wi-fi, and Yukina has a blu ray player! And all we have to do is put up with Takano's every single childish whim. Why the hell would we wanna leave?"

"You know," Yuu muttered under his breath. "I'm really starting to get curious about this pool everyone keeps talking about…"

"And besides," Mino added. "Most of us have already used up our one time out to go to the Burning Elf Music festival last fall. It was a 'trip' in more ways than one."

Ritsu shook his head wearily, all the new information a bit too much for his damaged head.

"Moving on," Hatori said, steering the conversation out of the gutter. "Master Ritsu, would you like to move somewhere to rest? The living room perhaps? That way we can look after you more effectively."

"Yes princess!" Chiaki chirped with a small bounce. "Come watch a movie with us on Yukina!"

Ritsu thought about it, part of him wanting to give the stupid appliances the silent treatment, and the other part not wanting to be left alone for Takano to find.

"All right…" He finally murmured, pulling back the covers. But as he shifted up, he felt a couple of heavy objects move with him. He looked over to the other side of the bed and was surprised to see several books there. He picked one up and his eyes widened as he saw the title. It was the same one he had started to read in the library the other day. What was it doing here?

Inwardly shrugging, Ritsu tucked the book under his arm and followed the hopping servants down to the first floor and into Yukina's corner. (And by the way he walked, all the servants immediately knew that Takano had indeed gone to Neverland last night.)

After a rather loud greeting from Yukina, Ritsu settled himself on a couch, but couldn't help but shiver at the rather cool temperature in the room.

"I apologize Master Ritsu," Hatori said. "But our thermostat is being repaired and the air conditioning is suck in the on position."

"That's okay," Ritsu replied, but almost right after his teeth began to chatter and a dull ache throbbed in his head. Yuu noticed and let out a musing grunt.

"Well, I guess we could try to find Hisashi."

"That wet blanket?" Kisa muttered.

"It's worth a shot." Yuu replied coolly.

"No thanks," Ritsu hurriedly cut in. "I really don't want to have to deal with him again."

"Again?" Yuu said. "You've seen him before?"

Ritsu nodded.

"He's in the closet across from the library."

Yuu sighed and started to hop out of the living room.

"Come on princess, it's high time he stopped hiding anyways."

Rather than refuse, a shivering Ritsu reluctantly followed the remote out of the room and down the hall.

"Sorry about him, by the way," Yuu spoke up. "He wasn't always like this."

"What changed him?" Ritsu asked.

"One too many intimate cuddle sessions with Takano. He was never than outgoing of a person in the first place, but now he's become a hostile blanket."

Ritsu suddenly froze at the mention of said snuggle sessions, and memories of last night surfaced in his mind. He swallowed back a bit of bile in his throat and for a second empathized with Hisashi completely. Even still, he was skeptical.

"Yuu, if what you say is true, then what makes you so certain he'll come out?"

"I know Hisashi very well. I have my ways." Yuu chuckled quietly as they stopped in front of the closet. Ritsu tentatively reached over and knocked on the wood.

"Hello?" He called, but no answer came.

"Hisashi." Yuu said. This time Ritsu could faintly hear a bit of shifting.

"…Yuu?"

"Sashi," Yuu replied. "The living room is cold and we'd like you to help Ritsu warm up—"

"NO WAY! IT'S JUST A RUSE TAKANO COOKED UP TO LURE ME OUT! I WON'T DO IT!"

"Hisashi," Yuu said coolly. "Do you really think I would lie to you?"

"…No."

"Takano hasn't come out of his room all day, and I don't expect that to change any time soon. Can you come out? For me?"

More nervous shifting came as an answer, so Yuu brought out the big guns.

"We're watching TV... And Mino's just made a fresh batch of coffee. You can smell it all the way from the front door."

"…O—Okay…just for a little bit. And he can't smoosh me!"

"Ritsu," Yuu said. "Promise you won't smoosh him."

"I—er promise not to 'smoosh' you, Hisashi." Ritsu stuttered. At Yuu's beckoning he opened the closet door and carefully lifted the blanket off the top shelf, holding him loosely so not to spook the bundle of fleece. They started to walk back to the living room, a fold of Hisashi darting around to make sure Takano wasn't lurking.

"What are we watching?" He asked quietly.

"_Lady and the Tramp._" Yuu replied.

"Again? I've heard that movie playing for three days straight."

"I know," Yuu sighed. "It's Yukina's new favorite movie. He says the cocker spaniel reminds him of Kisa."

"Why?" Hisashi snorted. "Because it's whinny and yippy and irritable?"

Both Yuu and Ritsu smiled at the comment.

"If you ask me," Yuu chuckled. "Yukina reminds me more of the cocker spaniel, and Kisa reminds me of the tramp running around and causing mayhem."

"Be careful," Hisashi muttered. "You're going to give the writers a new spin off idea, and I really don't want to be cast as some fluffy cute dog in the city pound."

Ritsu and Yuu reentered the living room and sat down on the couch just as Yukina started to play the movie. Chiaki eagerly shuffled over and propped up Ritsu's feet while Hisashi halfheartedly spread some of himself on the brunette's lap. Ritsu watched in quiet surprise as the other half of the blanket stretched over and curled around Yuu, snuggling the remote contentedly.

As the film began to roll, Ritsu settled into the couch, the wonderful heat from the blanket soothing his cold body. He glanced down to his side at the book that had been left in his bed, and once again pondered how it could've possibly gotten back into his hands.

* * *

><p><strong>So glad everyone enjoyed the lemon! Thanks for all your feedback! ^_^<strong>

**Love,**

**TBF101**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Twelve: Spicy Thai Love in 3D**

"Master? You called?" Hatori said as he hopped into Takano's room. The beast hadn't come out all day, and then had suddenly rang for his mildly concerned servants.

Hatori heard a low whine come from underneath the bed and he headed over, sighing inwardly.

"Master? Are you not feeling well?" He commented.

"No." Takano whined back. "Call a doctor."

"What seems to be troubling you, sir?"

"Everything…"

"…Can you be more specific, Master?"

"Well…" Takano muttered, crawling out so his face and shoulders showed. "I feel achy in my chest and this kind of burning sensation. It's almost like when I eat too much spicy Thai and get heartburn."

"Heartburn, sir?"

"Yeah," Takano replied, rolling onto his back. "Like that but…different. I've never felt this way before… and it hurts even worse when…"

"When what, sir?" Hatori asked, sensing an actual development in the beast's dribble.

"It's weird but…when I start thinking about…Ritsu, my heart hurts even more…"

Hatori imaginary eyebrows rose.

"Master…could it be that you're…pinning for Master Ritsu?"

"Pining?"

" 'To suffer a mental or physical decline,' as the dictionary puts it, especially in cases of heartbreak."

Takano's eyes widened and he crawled out further.

"Oh my shit…but…that would mean…"

"It would mean you've started to fall in love with Master Ritsu." Hatori finished. The beast's head plopped back down onto the carpet with this new revelation, and he didn't speak for a few minutes.

"I don't freaking believe it," He mused. "After all this time…"

"Yes Master," Hatori nodded. "It would seem that after all this time…the plot has finally begun to develop without the use of cliché devices."

"Who woulda thunk it?" Takano said, crossing his arm behind his head.

"Oh yes, and speaking of the plot Master," Hatori continued. "The director and his crew are out on the front lawn."

"Him? Seriously?" Takano said in shock. "And here everyone thought they'd abandoned us."

"Well it seems the play is getting ample amounts of public attention, so much so that the director has decided to let us include one song."

"IS IT GONNA BE—"

"No Master. We are already past 'Be Our Guest.'"

Takano's ears drooped at the news.

"Damnit….well, what song?"

"It's going to be 'Something There,' because it's closest to the point we're at in the play….plus, it's the cheapest one budget wise…"

"Wait….is that the one with the slightly sexy playful snowball fight!"

"I believe so—"

"Hot dog!" The beast cheered, jumping up and rushing over towards the door. "Let's get down there and get our freak on!"

"Um, yes Master," Hatori drawled. "The director said he would send for you in a couple of hours. They are currently working with Master Ritsu."

"Oh," Takano replied disappointedly. "Well, let's go over to the balcony and watch them."

Takano threw back his bedroom curtains and opened the glass door, stepping onto the balcony that overlooked his expansive estate. The beast leaned over the railing and his bushy tail began to wag as he spotted Ritsu pacing in circles, trying with difficulty to learn the song.

Hatori noticed a definitive perk in his master's posture as he looked down on his princess, and Takano sighed dreamily.

"Oh Hatori," The beast cooed. "Look at him."

"Look at him, sir?" The clock said confusedly, not really seeing anything so eye catching.

"Yeah….I just love watching his ass when he walks." Takano sighed, his ears folding down happily.

* * *

><p>But just below the elated furry, things were not exactly on cloud nine.<p>

"All right!" The director barked from his chair. "Let's get rolling! Beauty get your butt up center stage!"

Ritsu begrudgingly complied, clasping his script in two hands.

"And ACTION!"

Ritsu fidgeted nervously and slowly began to read.

"There's…something sweet…and almost…kind—"

"CUT!" The director yelled. "Cut, cut, cut! You're reading it wrong! Go again!"

Ritsu growled, beginning to read again.

"There's something sweet and almost—"

"Wrong, wrong, WRONG!" The director shrieked again. "I keep telling you again and AGAIN you have to keep it on a four-by-four beat you dolt! Good lord! Will somebody PLEASE go find a beatbox! Our beauty is tone deaf!"

While one of the crew ran off to comply with the director's demand, Ritsu studied the rest of the song, and as he read, his eyes grew wide.

"Hold on a second…wait! This song is for me and T—Takano! There's no way I'm singing this! I don't even like him!"

The director sighed in exasperation, in no mood to deal with whinny princesses. The set of _The Sexy Little Merman_ had been bad enough.

"What do you mean you don't like him? You're supposed to be mildly in love with him by this point!"

"MILDLY IN LOVE?" Ritsu shrieked. "Why the hell would I be mildly in love!"

The director clamped a hand over his forehead.

"Because he saved you from the wolves out of the GOODNESS OF HIS HEART!"

Ritsu threw his script down, angry and embarrassed at the feelings everyone told him he was _supposed _to have. And he grew even more flustered as the animal trainers began to let loose a flock of trained birds and throw birdseed around, effectively surrounding him with aviaries.

"Now pucker up Princess," The director remarked, reclining in his chair. "We're planning on releasing this in special edition 3D ultraviolet blu ray when it's done, and we want you to look appealing. God knows your no Paige O'Hara and we won't like you just for your personality…"

"This play is ridiculous! And your concept of love is ridiculous!" Ritsu shot back. "Takano's been nothing but a conceited prick ever since I got here and I'm supposed to change my mind just because he saved me from a situation that his selfish callousness put me in? How the hell is that supposed to be love!"

The director had to stop and ponder Ritsu's actually very sensible logic. So, he tried reasoning.

"…Okay, look." He said, raising a palm. "We know the play is a little rushed."

"A LITTLE?"

"But come on," The director pleaded. "You gotta like the guy a little _eensy weensy_ bit right? I mean, we're all supposed to learn a lesson in this story…"

"What's the lesson? Stockholm syndrome!"

"Oh don't be such a pansy."

"You're all impossible!" Ritsu screamed. "I almost wish the three bears had eaten me! I'm leaving! I don't wanna sing this stupid song…" He muttered, beginning to stomp off and shove his way through the crowd of birds.

"Ritsu you're scaring off the birds!" The animal trainers barked.

"FUCK THE BIRDS!" He yelled, storming off back into the castle. But what Ritsu didn't know was that Takano had heard every word he'd said, and his wagging tail and perky ears had drooped.

Hatori glanced in concern as Takano visibly deflated and began to silently slump his way back inside.

"Hatori," He murmured, not looking at the clock. "Go find Hisashi. I need cuddles…"

* * *

><p><strong>Have I told you all how happy your reviews make me? :) Thank you all oodles for your feedback and it makes me smile at how popular blanket Hisashi is XD<strong>

**Kisses! New Chapter up soon! And it will featured some much loved cameos ;)**

**With Love,**

**TBF101**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Thirteen: Confessions of a Hairy Drama Queen**

Not a half hour later, a very disgruntled electric blanket was wrapped around Takano's shoulders, silently patting the beast's back as he poured out all his sorrows. And there were many…

"I just don't get it," Takano murmured, his wolf ears drooping. "I thought things were going so well…"

The blanket coughed under his breath and Takano sighed.

"All right, I admit it. Things were sucking, but I at least thought that they were getting a tiny bit better. And now look, Ritsu hates me. He practically said it in front of everybody."

A low whine escaped the beast's mouth and he sank further into the couch, hugging the blanket closer. And in spite of Hisashi's current fight-or-flight instinct, he felt the tinniest amount of pity possible for his unhappy master.

"Oh master," The blanket sighed, suppressing a grossed out shudder as he felt the beast cuddle him tighter. "It's not as bad as you think. The guy just needs some time. He feels too pressured by everyone else to actually gauge what he feels, so just give him some space and he'll come around."

Takano quietly pondered the blanket's words.

"…You think so?"

"There's a definite possibly." Hisashi muttered back. Takano sighed, propping his large, hairy feet up on the coffee table.

"Hatori," The beast said to the clock down on the floor. "I wanna write in my diary. Go find him."

"Of course sir," Hatori replied, going over to Takano's bookcase. "Akihiko, the master requires your services."

A large, silver suede book slid itself off a high self, hopping down to the floor and over to Takano.

"You rang your _microphallus_?" The book drawled boredly. Takano's eyes widened in awe.

"Oh wow, Akihiko. You've always known such eloquent words. What does it mean?"

"_Microphallus," _Hatori replied. "Freudian. To have an extremely small—"

"EGO," The journal interrupted, shoving the clock out of the way. "To have an extremely small ego. Because you, my powerful lord, despite your might, are quite humble as well."

"Excellent Akihiko," Takano praised. "If I may say so, I believe you to be the most articulate servant in all the castle."

The silver-backed (and silver tongued) journal bowed gracefully.

"I have only to serve you my lord."

"Good," The beast replied. "Now, please take down my thoughts, I'm feeling introspective today."

"As you wish," Akihiko replied, opening his pages and sliding a pen out of his binding and starting to dictate.

"Takano's diary, Thursday, Day 568 of being a beast, Mood: depressed."

"Go on," Akihiko murmured.

"Dear Diary: fuck my life. I hate this shitty castle and everything in it. And most of all I hate that stupid bitch Ritsu for denouncing me in front of everyone! Actually…I hate myself most of all. Because none of this would've happened if I hadn't been such a dick to him in the first place… but you know, he kinda asks for it. I mean he's stubborn, he's whinny, he can't take a stupid joke, and it wouldn't kill him to crack a damn smile once in this lifetime!…But…at the same time, that's kinda what I like about him too… even if he is a little bitchy prude. I mean, I even tried to make peace with the guy by putting those books in his room…

"I guess…the reason I'm so upset is…even after the two of us have been able to have some happy…er _somewhat _happy times…and somewhat _enjoyable_ too…he still isn't seeing past the surface…And, I honestly don't know if he ever will…"

Takano flopped back against the couch, resting his chin on his folded arms. The journal looked up, trying to suppress a yawn.

"Will that be all sir?"

Takano sighed and stood up, wrapping Hisashi around his shoulders.

"Yeah, I'm going out on the veranda. Hatori, tell the garden gnomes and pink flamingos to set up for capture the flag. Watching them destroy each other with their lawn decoration feud always makes me feel better…"

"Yes sir." Hatori said, following the beast out. Hisashi let out a muffled sigh as they headed down the hall. It was going to take him weeks to find a new hiding spot. He had to have the worst job of anyone in this damn castle.

Well, except maybe Takano's razor. That poor guy had attempted his fifth suicide this morning by jumping into the bathtub. Needless to say it didn't work, on account that he'd forgotten to fill it with water first. Even still, the blanket sympathized.

* * *

><p>Akihiko breathed a gruff sigh as Master twat waffle and that whore biscuit Hatori finally left, leaving the various servants of Takano's bedroom to chatter quietly. The silver-backed journal hopped up onto the couch and spread out his pages, admiring the drawing he'd done while the beast had his bitchfest: a teddy bear with a polka-bow hanging a skewered Takano from a cherry tree. He had to admit, it was pretty darn good. Not quite as creative as the one of a group of pandas having a tea party on Takano's casket, but still good nonetheless.<p>

The haughty journal turned one of his pages and began to jot down his own thoughts in elegant script.

"_The Lamentations of Akihiko, the magical journal,_

_That imbecile Takano asked me to take down his 'thoughts' again today. Let me tell you, I could scrape better dribble from underneath one of Stephanie Meyer's fungal encrusted toenails. Instead of actually writing down any of his literary diarrhea, I drew the most charming picture of a bear. I really should have been reborn as a sketchbook or even a canvas on an easel. I astound myself with my utterly camp brilliance. _

"_But honestly, if that man does another one of his dictations to me I am going to throw myself into the fireplace. He is an unbelievably idiotic adversary, truly the Joker to my Batman. In fact, the only, ONLY reason I put on this façade of loyalty is because that microphallus has wealth and power out the bloody wazoo. And someday, it will all be mine…_

"_Though until I can stage a terrible accident in which my lord swallows a needle while gorging himself on churros, I shall just have to bide my time and find ways to amuse my far superior mind. Now that I mention it, I saw something most delightful the other day when the kitchen servants brought up Takano's tea and lunch. There on the tray was a little porcelain angel my eyes wondered to behold. I believe he was a sugar bowl named 'Misaki,' and he ruffled my pages in more ways than one. I must find the nearest opportunity to sneak down to his cupboard and see just how sugary he is… _

"_But at the moment, I must put down my pen and find a good spot. Those two entertaining gentlemen on the bookshelf are quibbling again, and I always like to sit front row. They give me the most lovely, raunchy ideas for stories. _

_With all due respect to myself, _

_Akihiko, True ruler of the castle." _

The journal signed the entry with an elegant flourish and quickly closed his pages, hopping off the couch and heading over to park himself in front of the bookcase, where two of the occupants were busy arguing.

"Nowaki!" A fiery voice yelled. "What do you think you're doing? You're books are starting to fall down! Stand straight!"

"But Hiro-san," A much quieter voice whined. "I want to be over there with you. We've become so distant and I always feel like there's something between us."

"There IS something between us Nowaki," The first growled back, barely able to contain his temper. "We're goddamned bookends! It's our sacred duty to keep these books straight and by god we're going to do it! I for one will not be disgraced by having my shelf askew for all to see."

The huffy bookend waited for his partner's retort, but when the other end of the bookshelf went silent, guilt began to creep up on him (though he'd never admit it).

"Nowaki?"

"…You're right Hiro-san," The other bookend said quietly. "I guess I just really missed you, that's all." Silence took over the bookcase, until Nowaki picked up some uncomfortable shuffling.

"Er well…" Hiroki finally muttered. "I guess it would be all right to visit each other once the sun sets and the work day is over…I mean, nobody can see us when it's dark—"

"Really Hiro-san?" Nowaki called, a bright flicker of warmth in his voice. "I can come over and sit by you tonight?"

"…Well, if you're so damn bent on it…I suppose."

"Thank you, Hiro-san. It means so much to me." Nowaki said, settling back into his spot and daydreaming about what they could do tonight. Hiroki meanwhile, shifted his end around. For once in his life, he was relieved he was a block of carved wood. At least now nobody could see him blush.

* * *

><p><strong>Hello everyone! Sorry this story got put on the back burner for so long, but thank you for all your awesome reviews! :) They really keep me going when I'm feeling blue. <strong>

**Hope you enjoyed the cameos! **

**With Love, **

**TBF101**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fourteen: Rival Disney Seme**

Ritsu sat on a stone bench overlooking the front yard, and although there seemed to be some sort of fight between rival lawn decorations that was getting out of hand, he continued to stare at his lap, not even noticing the turmoil around him. After ditching the musical number set, Ritsu had spent the better part of the day trying to avoid the cast and crew of this godforsaken play and had ended up there. He was quiet in his thoughts and actions, even while the wheels of his head were slowly turning. The brunette glanced to his side, where the large leather book from Takano's library sat. He had just finished it moments before and was still mulling over the ending, as well as his own plights of being hounded by everyone for stupid reasons.

But then again, the more he thought about it, he wasn't exactly mad at the servants or the director or those damn bird trainers. Hell, he wasn't even that mad at all. A new emotion had come and replaced his brief spout of anger, and it made him stop and ruminate incessantly as to why he felt it.

The emotion was guilt. The more he turned the mirror inward, the more Ritsu seemed to realize that he might have been more of a dick to everyone than was justified. Even if a bunch of home appliances and their furry master had locked him in a castle, called him "twat waffle," and lied about everything, did that really give him the right to bite back so hard?

But there was more eating at him than just that. After Ritsu had stormed off the set and was crossing the lawn, he had briefly glanced up at one of the balconies and saw Takano with a look on his face that Ritsu had never seen: devastation.

The brunette flushed slightly at the thought that Takano had overheard his outburst, even if he did claim to hate the guy. For reasons he couldn't explain, seeing Takano looking so heartbroken made him feel terrible, and now it had him questioning his treatment of everyone in the castle. Before he'd come here he had been recognized as a friendly person by neighbors and friends, so why had he changed so much?

But the bigger question was: did this sort of taxing emotional development have any place in a gay crack parody?

And so, as Ritsu sat on that bench, pondering all the questions that came into his head and feeling quite sorry for himself, he heard a different sort of commotion coming from around the corner of the castle. He craned forward on the bench as he heard familiar voices.

"Master," Yuu's voice entreated. "If you please, Hisashi is getting a little tired. Are you satisfied with his services for now?"

Ritsu heard Takano give a longing sigh. The beast and the hopping remote at his feet came into view and the beast took the blanket from around his shoulders and set him down next to Yuu.

"All right. You're free to go."

Hisashi had to clamp his proverbial mouth shut in order to keep from screaming "THANK YOU" and let Yuu answered for him.

"Thank you, Master. Is there anything else you require?"

Takano sighed again, his tail and ears a bit low despite the warm, breezy temperature and the entertainment of warring lawn tribes. The beast waved them away and Ritsu raised an eyebrow as he saw Hisashi start to scoot away as fast as he could. When this proved ineffectual, Yuu whistled over to a nearby skateboard who carted them off at a more appropriate pace. That blanket needed emergency anti-socialization stat.

But as Takano came further round the corner and noticed Ritsu, his ears noticeably perked up before folding down again.

"Hey," He murmured, sliding his paws into the pocket of his jeans. Ritsu lowered his eyes, suddenly a bit bashful.

"Hello."

"So…what are you doing out here all by yourself?"

"Um, I was just," Ritsu stuttered, picking up his book and clasping it between his hands. "Uh, nothing really."

Takano gave a single nod, lowering his eyes as well.

"I see… Look Ritsu…there's something I—"

"INTRUDER! INTRUDER!" A lawn gnome suddenly screamed from the front gate. Takano and Ritsu immediately looked over to see who/what was doing this intruding, when they saw a giant, muscley lump of a man storm up the path to the castle and over to them, all the while spreading his burly arms and smiling like the cat who ate the canary. And needless to say, his blatant display of testosterone had Takano's own prowess all a flutter.

"Who the fuck are you and what do you want?" He snarled, crossing his arms and baring his teeth. The stranger approached him with a large, blinding grin.

"Ah, I see I have met the horrible beast! Now move aside monster, I'm here to rescue the Belle!"

"What?" Ritsu stuttered, his look just as confused as Takano's. "Who are you?"

"Who am I, you ask? Silly question! I am Gaston! The original star and hero of this play! And I have come at last!" The stranger replied, spreading his arms and immediately beginning to sing in a booming voice as he pranced and strutted across the grass. Ritsu watched the display in slight horror and Takano cocked his head, wondering why he suddenly had the urge to throw this guy off the top of the castle…

"Um, excuse me." A fourth voice called as the assistant director wearily crossed the lawn and addressed the latest intrusion to their train wreck of a production. He walked over to Takano and pointed a rather bored thumb at the French bodybuilder.

"This guy has to go."

"Well, no shit." Takano growled back. "Get rid of him."

"I intend to," The assistant director snapped. "Hey you! Get the fuck off this set!"

"_I use antlers in all of my DECORATING! My what a guy! GASTON!" _Said bodybuilder finished with a manly flourish and a show of his muscular guns.

"Now," He grinned, strutting over to Ritsu. "Let us commence with the story!"

"WAAH!" Ritsu yelped as Gaston abruptly threw him over his shoulder and began to head back towards the castle gates. "PUT ME DOWN!"

"YEAH! PUT HIM DOWN!" Takano roared, bounding after them in a fury. And surprisingly, Gaston halted, turning around and glaring at the beast.

"Don't talk to _her_ that way!"

"Talk to _him_ what way?"

"THAT WAY! You just called this lovely piece of ass a 'he!'"

"I AM A HE!" Ritsu screamed, his small fists thumping against Gaston's great-wall-of-china back, not that it did him much good.

"Wait," Gaston said, his eyes widening. "This Belle…IS A FUCKING GUY?"

"Um, sir," The assistant director sighed, tapping Gaston on the arm. "This is the gay parody version of _Beauty and the Beast_, and as we do not have enough money for a rival seme in the budget, you are going to have to leave immediately."

Hearing this, Gaston immediately proceeded to dump Ritsu off his shoulders. Takano quickly dove to catch him and the two landed in a heap on the lawn.

"Hah, gladly!" Gaston hmped, brushing the man cooties off his arms. "No homo over this bitch!"

After untangling himself from a rather befuddled Ritsu, Takano leapt up and snarled at Gaston.

"Don't you dare talk about him like that!"

Gaston raised an eyebrow.

"What's your problem? Got a thing for that scrawny dude?"

"As a matter of fact I do!" Takano roared. "He's special and an arrogant douchebag like you would never be worthy of his love! Now chuckle nuts, you better get your French ass off my lawn before I kick it off yonder tower like Robby Benson did in fucking 1991!"

Gaston's eyes widened at the threat, but he hurriedly shook it off and straightened up, effectively poo-pooing his rival as he stormed off the castle lawn and out of the set, all the while singing his song under his breath.

Takano snorted himself and whirled around, his bushy tail angrily flagging from side to side.

"God I hate former stars," He muttered. "They're always so in your face. It's like dealing with a drunk Shirley Temple!"

"Gee, difficult actors?" The assistant director replied sweetly as he headed off. "I can't imagine."

Takano rolled his eyes at the sarcasm and turned back to Ritsu, who was brushing at the grass stains on his sleeve. Takano opened his mouth to say something, but since their momentary distraction had gone and left, he found the air just as awkward as it was before.

"So…er—I guess I'll see you around then…" He said, scratching the back of his neck. Ritsu looked up at him and also looked like he wanted to say something. But when he lowered his eyes and nodded, Takano had to suppress a heavy sigh. The beast started to head back into the castle and possibly go find his cuddle blanket again, when he heard footsteps behind him.

"T—Takano," Ritsu called, quickly walking over to him. "Um…this is yours."

Takano looked on in surprise as Ritsu handed him the thick book, their fingers touching as it was passed.

"You…You were right." Ritsu murmured, flushing pink. "I didn't like the ending."

Takano's ears stood a little straighter at the declaration, and he was about to reply when Ritsu spoke again.

"And…I, um…I never did…thank you…for saving my life yesterday…So, uh thanks."

The beast's lips parted in slight shock, but the sight of Ritsu so bashful made him smile.

"No problem." He said. Ritsu nodded and shuffled his feet awkwardly, the blush still very apparent on his face. However it wasn't exactly from their current conversation, but rather something Takano had yelled at Gaston.

"_He's special!" _

Ritsu knew it was cheesier than Velvetta to fall for such an offhand line, and yet, he found the words repeating over and over in his head. He knew he should say something to Takano about his outburst earlier, maybe even apologize for his anger, but he was so nervously closed-lipped at the moment that words evaded him. Takano seemed equally at a loss, as he'd been scratching the same spot on his neck for almost five minutes.

But finally, the beast gritted his teeth and began to mumble half-heartedly, still itching away.

"Um, Ritsu…I know it's a little…well, whatever…but…would you consider…having dinner with me tonight? I mean, you've been here for quite a few days and I thought I might as well invite you properly. If you don't want to I understand…"

Ritsu's blush went a shade darker as he thought, but to Takano's complete and utter surprise, he gave a single nod.

"Uh, I guess…I guess I could do that…"

"…Great." Takano replied just as awkwardly. "I'll have Hatori give you the details…."

Ritsu nodded again, too bashful to look the beast in the eye. Takano nodded back and started to head back into the castle, dropping his hand from his neck as he did so. When he was a few feet away, Ritsu finally got the courage to lift his head, and when he did, he gasped.

Amidst the deep black fur that covered Takano's neck was a brilliant patch of red, and as he peered closer, he made out the fine lines that turned the patch into an intricately twisting rose that began at the top of his spine and down between his shoulder blades. He had never noticed it before.

Ritsu stared at the rose in awe, it's sheer, raw elegance flooding his eyes. And even while he was dying to run up and ask Takano what it was, his feet remained firmly planted until the beast was out of sight. He then went over around the side of the castle and went through a side door, deciding to ask a certain bunch of appliances instead.

* * *

><p>Outside the perimeter of the castle and up a tall sycamore, the narrator put down his binoculars and leaned against the trunk of the tree with a heavy sigh.<p>

He had to get a better job. This play was getting worse than a bad soap opera.

* * *

><p><strong>You all can thankblame my sister for this chapter with the Gaston cameo. Back when I was first coming up with the plot for this thing, she quite angrily informed me that I could not do a Beauty and the Beast Parody without an appearance from Gaston and our favorite line of the movie "I use antlers in all of my decorating!"  
><strong>

**So yeah. We're obsessed. Sue us.  
><strong>

**Just a few quick notes: **

**For those of you who were asking about the MA version, including the lemon, everything is now up on yourfanfiction dotcom. You can find me under the 'authors' section under "TheBlackFlamingo101." Sorry it took so long to get up. **

**And like always, thanks to everyone who is reading and reviewing :) **

**I know it's time for school to start up again (hah, I don't start till September!) and I know everyone is probably really freaking busy, but if you guys could just leave even a quick note I would sure appreciate it, just so I know that people are reading :) **

**More chapters up soon! Hope you continue to enjoy this supreme mess of a story!**

**With Love,  
><strong>

**TBF101  
><strong>


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Fifteen: Little Orphaned Bambi**

As he headed down the central corridor of the castle, Ritsu figured that the most likely place for all those abominably manipulative appliances would be in the large living room where Yukina was, as he seemed to attract his share of fellow servants with his blu-ray player.

His assumption was entirely correct, as when he entered the room he found Kisa, Hatori, Mino, and Chiaki all camped out in front of the TV watching _Bambi_, though the footstool seemed to be the only one thoroughly enjoying it.

"This movie is so boring," Kisa muttered. "The entire point of this film was so the animators could say 'Look! We can paint watercolor trees like a fucking boss!'"

"Bunnies!" Chiaki squeaked, giving a few excited hops as he watched. Kisa made a retching sound under his breath.

"What was that for?" Hatori asked.

"Rabbits. I can't stand those things. They freak me out."

"That's ridiculous," The clock muttered back. "Who on earth is afraid of rabbits?"

"Anya on _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ was," Mino chirped. "She sang about it in the musical episode."

"Ahem," Ritsu cleared his throat as he walked into the room. The appliances turned to him with a variety of expressions.

"Well if it isn't the dingbat who ruined our only song," Kisa snickered. "Frighten any birds on your way in princess?"

Ritsu rolled his eyes, having learned recently that it was best to ignore much of what Kisa said. Instead, he came over and sat down the on couch, holding up his feet so Chiaki could scamper under them, which delighted the footrest to no end.

"Did you have a good day princess?" Chiaki chattered, nuzzling Ritsu's socked appendages.

"I guess," Ritsu shrugged. "…T—Takano invited me to dinner tonight."

The brunette felt a poignant shiver jolt his spine as every pair of eyes immediately darted to him.

"And?" Kisa said.

"And what?"

"Did you…accept Master Ritsu?" Hatori asked, barely believing what he heard.

"Y—Yeah…why wouldn't I?" Ritsu replied, uncomfortable under all the scrutiny.

"I don't believe it," Kisa said, slack-lidded.

"THAT'S WONDERFUL!" Yukina's speakers boomed. "That means I get to select music for the dancing!"

"D—Dancing?" Ritsu stuttered.

"Yes master," Hatori replied. "Dancing is always included after formal dinners. But don't worry, should you need it, we have an enchanted dance mannequin who can fox trot like god himself."

"Oh that's not necessary," Ritsu replied. "I—I know how to dance. Um, by the way Hatori, there's something I wanted to ask you."

"Yes, Master Ritsu?"

"Uh, I was out in the garden with T—Takano…and I couldn't help but notice the tattoo on his back. What is it?"

"I would've have thought you knew sir," The clock replied in surprise. "That rose on the master is the emblem of the witch's curse."

"Emblem?"

"Yes, the medium by which my lord's punishment was given. The symbol of the curse itself."

"Oh," Ritsu replied, somewhat awed. "I…didn't realize…"

"You mean you slept with the guy and you didn't figure out that was there?" Kisa drawled snootily.

The brunette blushed but curled his lip and ignored the hostile HP. However, at the mention of Takano's curse, an inquiry was stirred in his mind.

"Hatori, what was Takano…_like_ when he was human?"

"Uh," Hatori shifted, absentmindedly winding himself tighter. "F—Far be it from me to speak ill of the master but…you see—"

"He was an ass." Chiaki piped up, effectively stunning everyone (especially Kisa considering he was just about to say the same thing).

Ritsu let out an exasperated sigh, not surprised in the least.

"To be completely honest princess," Yukina said. "His beast transformation really calmed him down. Best thing that probably could've happened to him. He had a terrible, terrible temper, and was overly competitive in everything: riding, hunting, professional cup stacking—"

"Hunting?" Ritsu asked in disbelief.

"Used to go every weekend," Kisa muttered. "Good thing he stopped, we were running out of room to put all the heads."

"H—Heads?" Ritsu replied, his face going a shade whiter.

"Oh," Kisa said. "Didn't we show you his trophy room? It's the big room down the first hall on the left."

"Uh, no thanks…" He replied. "I really don't want to see…heads."

"Um Master," Hatori cut in. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Master's trophy room is also his choice dinning room…which is probably where you'll be eating tonight."

Ritsu swallowed hard, looking very much like he was about to toss his cookies.

"It's really not _that_ bad," Mino smiled. "Come, why don't we show you and you can get all your jitters out before tonight."

The brunette paused, half of him sick at the thought of Takano's taxidermy, and the other half not wanting to be surprised and embarrassed at tonight's dinner if he spontaneously puked in the punch bowl. So he reluctantly agreed and allowed the appliances to lead him back down the hall.

"So," He said to Kisa, shoving his hands into his pockets as they walked. "Does Takano…still hunt? He's not going to bring home anything he…_killed_ for dinner right?"

"Hasn't gone since the fight with the honey badger," The laptop replied. "That thing kicked his ass. He cried for weeks."

Ritsu raised an eyebrow in shock, though he was slightly impressed at said honey badger. He'd seen Takano take on full-grown bears so it would have had to been a formidable foe. And the thought of something making Takano cry was just charming in general.

"Here we are," Mino said as they came to a set of intricately carved double doors. "Master's trophy room."

Taking a deep breath, Ritsu reached out and pushed the doors open, and as they all stepped into the room, he couldn't seem to pinpoint what exactly he was feeling, though examples such as awed, horrified, disgusted, terrified, _violently _disgusted, and shocked as all hell came to mind.

Kisa glanced up at the brunette plainly.

"Told ya' there were a lot of heads. Bears, mountain lions, wolves, beavers, deer…"

"Ooo deer!" Chiaki chirped, hoping into the room with a concerned Hatori on his footstool heels.

"Chiaki I don't think you should be in here—" The clock protested as Chiaki scuttled over to a low-hung deer head on the far wall. But as the clock took a closer look at the hunting trophy, his clock eyes widened with horrible recollection and he quickly turned to Kisa and Mino.

"Does that…does that deer look _familiar_ to either of you?"

"Not really," Kisa said, glancing at it and shrugging. But like Hatori, the longer he looked, the more flustered he became. "Wait…it can't….oh my fucking god…"

"What?" Ritsu asked, walking over to Chiaki who was nuzzling the doe's nose.

"I can't believe I never noticed before," Kisa murmured, his screen gone blank. "That deer…that fucking deer is BAMBI'S MOM!"

"My god, you're right," Hatori said in horror. Chiaki looked at the two in confusion, before turning back to the head as the truth slowly sunk in.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Chiaki screamed at the top of his lungs, fleeing from the room with violent wails that traveled all throughout the castle.

"I don't believe it," Kisa said in absolute horror. "Takano KILLED BAMBI'S MOM! Oh my god, let's get out of here."

Hatori, Kisa, and Mino immediately began to leave, while Ritsu looked at them curiously.

"So uh," He said. "Is there anything else I show know before…tonight?"

"Don't ask us right now," Kisa said seriously. "We all need to have a group vote and decide if we still want you to save Takano or kill him mercilessly in his sleep for scarring thousands of children for life."

Ritsu cocked his head, watching them head back down the hall. He took another look around the room and sighed, knowing that no amount of preparation would help to quell the butterflies in his stomach.

Though looking at all those heads again might help him puke them up.

* * *

><p><strong>Hopefully I didn't scar anyone for life with this chapter. Especially since your reviews make me so happy. <strong>

**Puppyfacetwo, RenaeChan77, Alexisz, Kiyame Hikari-chan, Ricchan14, mochiusagi, xmoonlight- Thank you all so much! Glad everyone enjoyed the Gaston cameo :) Have to say he is in my top ten of favorite disney villains. **

**Guest- it might be a problem with the site, but as far as I know the chapter is up and running. Hope you get to actually read it! :/**

**LLL- Yeah, I have to admit my gender roles in this fic have become a little helter skelter for some reason. And thank you very much for the relationship props. Whereas the Uke Flu Nostalgia repair relationship goal is taking 30+ chapters, I get to actually speed things up in this one. Thank god. In my opinion, there's only so much milking an author an do, and Nakamura's cow has been dry for quite a while. ****Okay, that was a weird metaphor. Hope to keep seeing you around triple L!**

**The trademarked, fated dinner is coming up next! **

**Tons of Love,  
><strong>

**TBF101  
><strong>


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Sixteen: Original Movie Soundtrack**

Ritsu took a shaky breath as he closed the door to his room and started down the hall, still fiddling with the expensive clothes he wore. According to his talking wardrobe he cleaned up decently, but still felt a little out of sorts. He wore a rich green coat with gold embroidery over a silk white shirt, brown breeches, and leather boots that clicked when they walked, making it impossible for his presence not to be known. Even still he headed down the corridor as quietly as he could, twining his fingers together as he tried to mentally prepare himself for dinner with Takano. God knows what it would be like. For all he knew Takano could decide to strip him, tie him to the table, eat pot-roast off him, and drink gravy from his bellybutton…

Ritsu halted immediately upon this thought and was about to race back to his room, hide, and blush furiously for the remainder of the night when he heard a familiar voice call to him from the top of the stairwell.

"Oh Princess!" Chiaki chirped. "You look lovely! Are you ready to go down?"

Ritsu gritted his teeth, cursing how adept the furniture was at ruining his plans.

"Yes Chiaki," He replied, walking up. "Did you come up to get me?"

"Uh huh! I wanted to see you, and Kisa told me to come find you anyway so 'that pussy willow wouldn't try anything funny.'"

"Of course," Ritsu muttered.

"Master is already down in one of the great halls. I'll show you where it is."

Ritsu took a deep breath and tried to mentally prepare himself faster as they headed down the stairs, but raised his eyebrows in (relieved) confusion as he saw them heading in the opposite direction of…the "head" room.

"Uh, weren't we going to eat in Takano's trophy room?"

"Master decided at the last minute not to. He said 'I'll never get him in the sack again if I scare the effing bejeezus out of him first.' Or something like that."

Although a scowl reappeared on the brunet's face, he was inwardly relieved that he wouldn't have to dine next to the head of Bambi's mom. Chiaki led him down the hall that neared the gigantic library and stopped in front of two carved white doors, which opened as soon as Ritsu stepped in front of them. But as he went inside, the doors slammed right behind him.

"Hey!" He yelled, jiggling the iron door rings. "What are you doing?"

"Oy," A voice called from across the room. "Open up."

At Takano's command, the doors reopened, and Ritsu pivoted around to see him sitting at the head of a lavish table piled with entrees.

"Sorry, I forgot those doors lock automatically."

Ritsu's eyes looked Takano up and down, and he had to admit he was slightly impressed. Rather than the jeans and no shirt combo the beast usually wore, tonight he was clothed just as richly as his guest. He also wore an embroidered coat in pthalo blue and his breeches were as dark as his hair, which looked slightly less shaggy than normal. Ignoring the scrutiny, Takano stood and motioned to the chair at the other end of the table, which moved and seated Ritsu comfortably. Dinner was served in short order, and the brunet ate with polite gusto. Truth be told, since the kitchen staff seemed to be engaged in a civil war at the moment due to some controversial elope, he had been living off frozen dinners from the deep freeze. But Takano's feast was the most succulent food he'd ever eaten in his life. The two enjoyed their food in silence, but when they had began dessert, Takano's eyes caught him.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" He asked, resting his palm under his jaw. The beast had actually given the brunet stealing glances while they ate and noticed how much the princess put away (which was _a lot)_, but he had always been the type of man who wanted to hear things said aloud. It wasn't enough just to know.

"Uh, yes. The food was delicious. Thank you," Ritsu murmured politely, dabbing his lips nervously with a napkin.

"To be honest," Takano replied. "I haven't eaten with someone like this in years."

"Really?" Ritsu replied, though he didn't doubt it a single bit.

"Yeah. Not since before I was changed."

Ritsu bowed forward and took a bite of his dessert while he pondered those words. Truthfully, the servants' info on Takano as a human spiked his curiosity, and he couldn't help but ask.

"Um…Takano, I understand if I'm out of line but…I was wondering—"

"You're wondering why I was cursed." The beast cut in, seemingly not bothered. "I'm not offended."

"So…how did it happen? Someone told me you were cursed by a witch."

Takano gave a small sigh, resting his elbows on the table.

"An enchantress actually. But it wasn't just some random act of magic that made me like this…it was what I allowed myself to become. I'm sure the servants have told you, but I wasn't exactly Mahatma Ghandi when I was human. I wreaked havoc on my household and many other people with my pride and anger and gluttony for prestige. I may have been human at the time, but truthfully, inside I was already a monster.

"And one day, I just happened to piss off the wrong person. That enchantress gave me a test, and I failed with flying colors. And so she put this curse on me and everyone here, so my outsides could finally match the darkness in my heart."

Ritsu set his fork aside, staring as his empty plate. He was a little stunned by how honest Takano had been, as well as the story itself. He had always thought the beast a shallow douchebag, but it was apparent he has actually done some soul searching while kept in this state.

In a way, Ritsu almost admired him for that.

"Are you finished?" Takano asked, rising from his seat.

"Uh, yeah."

The beast rounded the table and came over, holding out his paw.

"Then come on. Let's dance."

With only a slight hesitation, Ritsu took it and the two headed across the corridor to the ballroom.

* * *

><p><em>"Tale as old as time…True as it can be…Barely even friends, then somebody bends...Unexpectedly..."<em>

"Oh Kisa-san," Yukina's speaker sobbed as the two watched from the balcony, the original soundtrack of _Beauty and the Beast_ playing from the sound system. Kisa let out a perturbed sigh. Of course the big sap would choose the sappiest and most cliché music for those two idiots' dance (even though most of the household had put in a request for the headless waltz).

What was worse, Takano had bought Yukina wireless, portable speakers…so now he could go EVERYWHERE in the castle. Kisa wasn't sure whether this was the best or worst thing that had ever happened to them…though right now he was opting for the latter.

The other servants were staring down at the ballroom floor as well, quiet whispers emanating from the groups like a flutter of gossipy chickens. Rumors were already spreading through the entire household, some of them with a grain of truth, other with a grain of insanity: Takano and the Princess were in love, they weren't in love, they tried to kill each other, they had sex every night, they built a birdhouse in the garden, their were alligators in the sewers under the castle.

But honestly, no one had any idea what was going on. All they could really focus on was that after all this time, they were closer to breaking the curse than ever.

However, down on the dance floor, things were another story. Although Takano and Ritsu's dancing was fluid, their attitudes left much to be desired.

"You're not letting me lead," Takano growled as Ritsu refused to be spun AGAIN. After such a nice, peaceful dinner in which he had let loose his deepest, darkest life smut in an incredibly sincere manner (his acting coach was right, he did have promise), he would have thought this snooty princess would be more compliant. But that was not the case.

"Who says you get to lead?" Ritsu muttered back. "We're both men."

Takano gritted his teeth, trying to bite back a retort but failing miserably.

"Well pal, that can be changed. I know for a fact that there's a really nice, frilly yellow ball gown in a costume box backstage. So unless you wanna look like a real bona fide princess, I suggest you work with me on this."

Ritsu scowled at this, but when it came time for him to be spun again, he allowed it. And this little power struggle wasn't exactly lost on some of the servants.

"This is ridiculous," Kisa muttered to Hatori. "Those two aren't even close to breaking the curse. Their egos are boxing in the ring as we speak."

Hatori sighed.

"Not to mention Master Ritsu has missed the director's cue to put his head on Takano's shoulder nearly four times now."

"He's missed 'his cue' for everything! These two will never get anywhere by themselves. It's about time we step in."

"Patience Kisa."

"I've been patient long enough Hatori. If their evening doesn't finish well…I'm calling a midnight meeting."

Hatori hummed quietly at this and the two (along with the sobbing Yukina) went back to watching the targets of their scrutiny, who were now slow dancing.

The night was getting on and as he had spent the entire day being harassed by directors, birds, French muscle men, and his own panic disorder, Ritsu found himself quite drained. Takano noticed as he gave a light yawn and slowed them further.

"Tired?"

"No, I'm fine." Ritsu lied unconvincingly.

"Let's go out on the balcony," Takano said, not letting go of Ritsu's hand and leading them out. They followed the corridor up to the second floor, past Ritsu's room and down to the large entrance at the end of the hall. The brunet's lips parted slightly as they stepped out onto a wide marble balcony that gave a view of the courtyards and a glittering full moon that cast silvery light upon the black forest. The sight was crystal-clear and breathtaking.

Astounded by it all, Ritsu let go of Takano's paw and rested his arms against the carved stone railing, his eyes trying to take all the of it in.

But Takano lingered back, his eyes fixed upon another beauty.

As much as he enjoyed Ritsu's normal flighty awkwardness, his little (huge) spats of anger, and hell, the face he made when they had had sex…this was a face of him he had never seen. His features relaxed, his eyes bright, and his supple lips curved just slightly.

It was a face of contentment…and it was one that sent longing straight to Takano's heart. How he would love to see that face every morning, every day, every night.

How he would love for Ritsu to truly be by his side…

"Ouch," He muttered all of a sudden, rubbing at the bare patch on the back of his neck where that cursed rose was. Stupid thing had given him a tingly prick all of a sudden.

Funny. That had never happened before.

"…Takano?"

The beast was shaken out of his thoughts as Ritsu spoke and he dropped his hand.

"Is there anything wrong?" Ritsu asked, cocking his head at how strange Takano's face looked…well, besides the whole beast thing.

"No," Takano said, his eyes softening as he took a step forward. "Nothing's wrong."

Ritsu took a shallow breath as the beast stood right in front of him, his scent, his hair, his eyes, all overpowering. And yet, there was tenderness there as well.

"In fact," Takano murmured. "Nothing has ever been this right. Ritsu…thank you for tonight."

With a slight blush, the brunet lowered his head.

"Y—You're welcome." He said plainly. "I'm…getting a little tired."

"Right. It's late."

Ritsu nodded, starting to head back inside.

"Uh, thank you Takano…good night."

"Good night." The beast replied, his amber eyes not leaving the brunet until he disappeared into his room. After the door had shut, Takano turned back to the moon, so his spirit could howl the longing he held inside him.

* * *

><p><strong>Hello everyone. I realize this update took freaking forever and I thank you all for your patience. And wow, this is like the first serious chapter we've had in a long time (but then again is any of this really serious anyway?), definitely different from the last. <strong>

**Good grief. I couldn't believe all the reviews for the Bambi's mom chapter. Honestly I expected to get a lot of flack for the gruesomeness and some sobbing about ruined childhoods...and instead most of you thought it was hilarious.**

**I didn't think that many of my readers had psychopathic streaks in them. Not that I mind, it was just...surprising.**

**And btw, as yourfanfiction dotcom went under, I reuploaded the lemon chapter (I think it's 10?). Screw the site rules. I plan to also backup this story on my blog, but just haven't gotten around to it yet. **

**Anyways, got myself addicted to another TV show so I must head back to Netflix, but giant hugs to everyone who read and reviewed. More out soon. The plotting of the appliances will be shortly underfoot!**

**Tally Ho,  
><strong>

**TBF101  
><strong>


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Seventeen: We Interrupt This Broadcast**

Kisa and Hatori took in the scene of a lone Takano howling at the full moon with somber glances, and immediately afterward retreated back downstairs to the ballroom. Not many of the other servants had left on account of the after party being thrown by Yukina.

Even as they headed down the stairs they could hear the blaring techno music coming from the ballroom and they both slightly winced as they opened the door and entered. While Kisa went straight for Yukina's speakers, Hatori meandered by the door and caught a conversation happening in a corner near the door between Akihiko the journal and a small sugar pot. Even as he sweetly talked with his silver tongue, the journal made very physical approaches towards the porcelain dish, who was uncomfortably trapped in the corner and trying to resist the slick words.

Hatori ignored them and headed after Kisa, who had managed to get Yukina to turn off the music so he could speak to everyone. The laptop placed himself on top of one of Yukina's larger speakers.

"HEY!" He barked to the still dancing appliances. "SHUT THE HELL UP!"

Once the crowd had quieted down, Kisa took a large breath and began to sullenly address everyone.

"Hey morons, I know you're all excited about getting the curse broken, but we have an eensy weensy teeny tiny little problem…those two aren't in love!"

All the servants froze and hysterical chatter began to echo in the large room.

"What do you mean Kisa?" Chiaki asked. "Master loves the princess a whole lot. After all this time…he's finally learned not to be a huge ass."

"It's not enough," Hatori sighed. "Ritsu has to love him back."

"But tonight seemed to go so well," One of the dishes said. "I'm sure if we wait just a bit longer they'll—"

Suddenly, a side door opened and a frantic Yuu came riding in on a skateboard, Hisashi sitting behind him.

"Everyone! We've got a huge problem!" Yuu spoke. "The play is being cancelled!"

"WHAT?" Kisa yelled as Yuu made his way up to the stage. "How do you know?!"

"I was just talking to the director. They said that tonight was a huge bust and we're going to have to cancel immediately. There's not enough funds or public interest to keep going at this snail's pace."

"You mean we won't even be able to finish the ending?" Yukina cried. "That's so sad!"

"Sad doesn't even begin to cover it!" Kisa moaned. "All of our contracts state that we don't get paid unless the play is COMPLETED!We're all screwed!"

"What the hell will we do for jobs?!" Hisashi moaned.

"Tori and I got offers from _The Sound of Yaoi_ production," Chiaki chirped. "Tori gets to be the clock that chimes during the musical number 'So Long, Farewell (To your virginity)!' And I get to be a stool an anti-gay nazi trips over."

"Well isn't that just dandy?!" Kisa snapped. "And what the hell are the rest of us supposed to do?! Yuu, what else did the director say?"

"They said the play can continue if they have a guarantee that Ritsu and Takano will fall in love faster."

"Fuck buckets! That'll never work!" Kisa screeched. "That stupid twat waffle is so far back in the closet he's probably found Narnia by now!"

"And everyone," Yuu cautioned. "Be careful. The crew was even talking about killing off some of the main characters."

"WHAT?!" Everyone yelled at once. As if on cue, the giant crystal chandelier that hung from the ceiling began to come loose. Appliances screamed and scattered as it disconnected from the ceiling and fell to the floor…tragically landing on a certain coffee pot.

"Mino! Mino no!" A mug sobbed as he saw the shattered remains.

"Oh my god!" Yuu cried. "They killed Mino!"

"YOU BASTARDS!" Kisa yelled. "Guys this is serious! We have to find a way to finish this play? Any ideas?!"

Everyone thought in silent contemplation as a broom and a dustpan came forward to sweep up what was left of Mino and lay him to rest in the trashcan. The mug accompanied them, still heartbroken. The servants all watched somberly and tried to think harder, knowing the same fate could very well happen to them.

"Wait," Yuu said. "Remember how the original movie ended? What if we could just break the curse?"

Kisa, Hatori, and Yukina all exchanged glances.

"You know, that could actually work," Kisa said. "With the curse broken, it'll leave room for those two idiots to spend eternity working out their emotional problems and we can still get our checks!"

"But how do we break the curse? The only known way is for them to fall in love." Hatori said.

"Exactly, the only _known_ way." Yuu smiled. "But what if we ask the person who actually cast the spell?"

"The enchantress."

"Right. There's surely another way to lift this stupid spell, and if anyone would know, she would."

"But how do we find her?" Kisa groaned. "This doesn't follow the script at all."

"I know," Yuu said. "So we're going to have to break a couple small rules…though in plain terms, we're going fucking medieval."

* * *

><p>After Ritsu and Takano's not-so-lovely-dovey balcony scene, the narrator had been relaxing in the east side of the garden and anticipating the shutting down of this ship wreck. Unlike the lesser actors and crew, his contract stipulated that he got paid no matter what the outcome of the play, and so he felt quite secure as he relaxed in the dark garden.<p>

So relaxed, he didn't even notice several pairs of electronic eyes silently moving towards him. And by the time he noticed the power cord slipping around his neck and wrists, it was too late. The snarky man yelped as he was yanked off the stone bench and thrown to the grass, where he was immediately surrounded by Kisa, Hatori, Chiaki, Yuu, Hisashi, and two of Yukina's small wireless speakers.

While Hisashi covered his mouth and Chiaki planted himself on his chest, Kisa tightened his power cord around the narrator's neck and began to speak.

"Listen up crap face," Kisa spat. "We need info, and if you don't spill any, I will personally feed you to the enchanted rose bush in the tennis court. And I have a hunch it will like the taste of human blood."

The narrator's eyes widened in terror at the mention of that flesh eating plant and he began to nod furiously. Hisashi released his mouth and he began to speak.

"I'll talk, I'll talk. What do you want to know?"

"Where can we find the enchantress who cursed Takano?" Kisa asked.

Not wanting to anger the wrathful appliances further, the narrator, quite critical in words but a coward at heart, quickly spilled the beans.

"She's at the edge of the dark forest, preparing for her next parody role. Just follow the path through the woods and you'll find her cave."

"Thank douche," Kisa spat, unraveling his cord. "And I hope I don't need to tell you that if you squeal to the director or anyone about this, the offer for your date with the rose bush still stands. And don't try to run, we have gnomes and flamingos watching your every move."

After the terrified man had run off (checking over his shoulder at every turn), the appliances gathered together to plan their next move.

"Well," Yuu said. "I guess our best move would be to go straight to her while we have the chance."

"But it would take us till next year to hop all the way there," Kisa said. "We need a ride."

As if on cue (again), the group heard an engine rev and a sleek black four-wheeler raced out of the garage and over to them.

"Who are you?" Hatori said. "I wasn't aware of any four-wheelers in the script!"

"It's me, Yokozawa," The four-wheeler growled. "Some of the writing staff caught wind of your little plan and decided to help out. And since we've run low on supporting actors I've been double cast."

"That's rough." Yukina chirped.

"You don't know the fucking half of it," Yokozawa sighed. "They want me to play the wolf in _Little Terrorist Riding Hood _too."

"Soo," Kisa said cautiously. "Can we…ride you?"

"No," Yokozawa said. "I'm just going to roll along at a comfortable pace beside you—WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK I'M FOR!? NOW! Everyone who's a moron get on, and that means ALL OF YOU!"

With silent, wary glances, everyone began to pile onto Yokozawa's seat, but when Chiaki tried to get up, Hatori and Kisa stopped him.

"No Chiaki," Hatori said. "You have to stay here."

"But why?" The footstool cried.

"Because you're the Steve Urkel of this play and we're not taking any chances," Kisa replied. "STAY."

"Chiaki," Yuu said. "Why don't you go back to the castle and keep an eye on Ritsu for us. Make sure he's comfortable all right? You're in charge till we get back."

"Oh…okay," Chiaki relented, though he was quite excited about the notion of being in charge. Ritsu's light was still on in his room so maybe he needed a nice place to put his feet…

"Be careful!" The footrest said as he scampered back to the castle.

"All right pussy willows," Yokozawa growled, reving his engine again. "Let's go. I have to be back in my bear costume by morning."

And so the appliances took off into forest, each hoping that this plan would bring them closer to breaking the spell—

"Hey, wait!" Hisashi yelled. "What about the stupid rule that we can't leave the castle without Takano's permission?"

"Screw the rules," Kisa growled. "All that was bullshit anyway."

* * *

><p><strong>Hello parody lovers and thank you all for your faithful reviews and support of this fic. Sorry my updates have been so slow, but my health hasn't been that great lately and my schedule super busy, not the nicest combination. <strong>

**Next up we have our cast of household objects exploring the dark forest. Thank you all so much for reading!**

**Love, **

**TBF101**


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Eighteen: Electronic Charms**

As four-wheeler Yokozawa sped through the dark woods, all the various appliances tried not to let their creepy surroundings get to them, though some members of the party were far more incredulous than others.

"Okay," Hisashi piped up sourly. "Why does this feel like some stupid remake of _The Brave Little Toaster_?"

"Eck, don't say that," Kisa muttered. "That movie scares the hell out of me."

"Any movie with a junkyard scares you," Yuu retorted. "That's why you kept shorting out during _Toy Story 3_."

"Oh shut up—YUKINA! Stop humming 'Thriller'!"

"But why Kisa-san?" Yukina asked. "Maybe if I hum it long enough the writers will put in a dance number."

"Because we can't afford the fucking rights to that song…and it's creepy."

"Scaredy cat." Yuu said under his breath.

"I heard that!"

"Though he is right," Hisashi said. "A tissue used by Michael Jackson is worth more than all our warranties put together and tripled."

"Damn straight," A sudden voice piped up. Everyone immediately looked down at Yokozawa in surprise.

"I didn't know you were an MJ fan Yokozawa," Yukina said.

"Well," The four-wheeler grumbled awkwardly. "Who isn't?"

"Look," Kisa piped up. "There's a cave up ahead. That must be it. Pull over."

Yokozawa came to a halt a few feet from the ominous looking cave and the appliances hopped down and formed a circle.

"We have a slight problem," Hatori said. "We didn't plan out how exactly we're going to get this enchantress to tell us anything."

"Good point," Kisa replied. "We'll have to use our manly charms."

"PFT!" Yokozawa snorted from a distance, trying to keep from laughing aloud.

"How the hell are we supposed to charm _anyone_?" Yuu groaned. "Unless she's a total nerd and likes slightly used old computers and a mish mash of home electronics, we're screwed!"

"Maybe we could get Yukina to sing a trashy Maroon 5 song and attempt to dance with her." Kisa muttered.

"Ooo! I know all their songs!" Yukina chirped.

"Welp," Hisashi sighed, starting to scoot his fuzzy form towards the cave. "It looks like it's up to me."

"Huh?" Kisa said. "How the hell could you possibly convince her? You're a blob of fleece."

"Are you kidding?" The blanket retorted. "Have you seen me? I'm so cute people mistake me for a puppy covered in kittens. Watch me work you dolts."

Curious about this so-called "work" Hisashi was going to do, everyone followed him into the rather spooky cave, but it seemed to have no end. Terrified that Vincent Price's voice from 'Thriller' was suddenly going to pop up, Kisa called out.

"Hello? Is anyone here?"

"Who is it?" A voice echoed from all around them.

"Er—uh Mrs. Enchantress-chan-sama, it's us. The uh, people you cursed at Takano's castle?"

"Oh goodness," The voice said cheerfully. "Come on in! There's a door to your left by the stalagmite."

The five quickly found the disguised door and went inside, more than a little stunned that the creepy cave now harbored a room that looked like the set of _I Dream of Jeanie's _magic bottle. And seated on a plethora of pink cushions was a beautiful woman with strawberry blond hair and a pleasant expression.

"Hello," She smiled. "I'm the Enchantress Eri, but you can call me Aikawa. It's so nice to see you all again! I don't get many visitors these days."

"It's uh, nice to see you again too," Kisa said. As he greeted her, Hisashi slithered over to her feet.

"Thank you for rescuing us," He said petulantly. "That cave was so scary."

"Ohh precious," Aikawa crooned, picking him up and stroking him. "The cave is a necessary measure so I'm not hounded for spells, but I'm sworry I frightened you. You are just so adorable."

"Sorry to be the bringer of bad news my lady," Hatori said. "But a spell is precisely why we're here. The one you cast on Takano."

"Well, seeing as how the play is going to be cancelled," She replied. "I don't quite see the purpose in you meeting me. In fact, the writers are already getting ready for the next parody, though they can't seem to decide between alien abduction or mermen. They say they're going to let the readers vote on it."

"But we need that spell broken Aikawa," Yukina pleaded. "Can't you just wave your hand and make it go away?"

"I'm sorry," She said. "But even I am bound by the rules of my spells. In order for Takano to return to a human state, he must meet with his true love."

"But WE KNOW he's met his true love!" Yuu said. "But that princess is emotionally constipated and it's taking forever to develop. Can't we come to a compromise? I mean, isn't it enough that they're living together?"

"Nope."

"That they have mild dating interest?"

"Sorry."

"How about a bribe?" Kisa asked. "I know for a face that there's a journal in the castle who's writing some pretty raunchy man smut, and he could _mysteriously_ lose a hunk of his pages."

"Hmm," Aikawa murmured. "As tempting as that is…I can't. I'm sorry."

"Please Eri," Hisashi said, snuggling closer to her. "You have to help us. You're are only hope."

Aikawa's heart went out to the little blanket and she finally came to a decision.

"All right, here's what I can do. I can't break the curse, but I can give you a hint. Try reading the original script of _Beauty and the Beast_ and note the exact circumstances in which Belle admitted her love. There's a copy of it right over there on that pink table.

"Now I'm afraid all of you must be going. No matter what the fans pick for the next parody, I'll have a role in it and I must be prepared for both parts. But feel free to come back any time, especially you Mr. cuddly blanket."

The appliances sighed and reluctantly took the book and headed back out of the cave, trying to ignore how smug Hisashi was at the moment. They all got back up on Yokozawa and began to drive back to the castle. Kisa propped the book up on the dash and hurriedly began to peruse the contents for Aikawa's so called hint. But the closer they got to their home, the more anxious everyone got.

"Have anything yet Kisa?" Yuu asked.

"All I've got so far is that Walt Disney really hated women and Jews…and we haven't even touched on the issue of beastiality."

"Stop reading the biography and tell us how the original ended!"

"I tried!" Kisa growled. "Villagers came and invaded the castle, the beast died, but then he was okay and the spell was broken. We don't have the budget for an attack and killing Takano is out so what the hell are we supposed to…"

Kisa's electronic eyes suddenly widened and Yuu picked up on the idea immediately.

"Step on it Yoko!" Yuu barked. "I think we've just found a way to trick our princess into confessing his love."

* * *

><p><strong>Well yaoi loving gals and guys, as I said, this parody is coming to a close after a few more chapters...so it's time to vote on the next one! Either idea will be a Junjou Romantica fic, but what'll it be?<br>**

**A. Alien Abduction**

**or**

**B. Mermen **

**Most votes will get written next so cast your ballot now! **

**And thank you all for the awesome reviews! It's thanks to all your enthusiasm that this fic was even written and I am very grateful.**

**Kisses!**

**TBF101**


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Nineteen: Stolen Hobbit Harness**

"You want me to do _what_?" Takano said, looking down at his servants in shock.

"Put an end to this stupid curse once and for all, Master," Kisa replied, hopping onto the desk next to Takano's couch.

"But how? Ritsu barely wants anything to do with me," The beast whined piteously.

"Please turn your attention to my screen," Kisa said, playing the ending scene from the original _Beauty and the Beast _DVD. Takano watched in quiet horror as his character fought off Gaston, stabbed brutally in the side, and left to die.

"There!" Yuu said as Kisa paused the movie. "Right there. Just as the beast dies, Belle says 'I love you.' That's precisely what we have to do to get Ritsu to confess."

"You want me to kill myself?" Takano gapped. "Last time I checked were weren't Disney and didn't have endless amounts of magic at our disposal. If I die, I'll really freaking die!"

"And as that is the case Master," Hatori said. "We have come up with an alternative. In short, you are going to fake your own death."

"What?"

"We've got it all figured out," Kisa said proudly. "With a bit of stunt work and some equipment we stole, it'll be perfectly safe."

"Where'd you steal equipment from?" Yuu asked.

"There's filming the next Hobbit movie about two blocks over. It was easy. All we needed was a concealable harness and a bit of rock climbing equipment and we're in business."

"Wait, wait, wait," Takano interrupted. "You guys can't do this to me! What if I actually die?!"

"What's worse," Kisa said. "Dying from a simple fall, or getting this parody cancelled, losing the love of your life, and not getting paid all in one day?"

"Well when you phrase it like that…"

"Don't worry, Master," Hatori said. "We have a plan."

Takano sighed, leaning back on the couch. After a few minutes of pondering, he reluctantly agreed and heard the plan the appliances had cooked up. At this point, he was practically willing to do anything to win Ritsu's heart and lift the spell.

He just hoped to god they weren't really trying to kill him. He didn't trust those guys farther than he could throw them, which wasn't very far. He had a bad shoulder.

* * *

><p>"This way to the tennis court princess!" Chiaki chirped, hopping excitedly across the lawn. Ritsu sighed and followed the little footstool, shoving his hands in his pockets. Chiaki had woken him up this morning and been with him for hours, showing him everything exciting around the castle. Right now they were going to see the feral magical rose bush on the edge of the tennis court, but Ritsu seemed increasingly distracted.<p>

He had stayed up for quite a bit last night, thinking about him and Takano. The beast had really turned around in the short time he had known him, and last night the beast was nothing but tender towards him. It tore Ritsu apart greatly, having someone he had vowed to hate constantly on his mind. And the most shocking thing was, he didn't even hate Takano anymore. Sure he was annoying at times, but everyone had their faults. In fact, they were almost kind of endearing at times, and Ritsu was feeling something in his heart that he'd never felt before.

Ritsu lowered his head as he felt himself blushing, all the while wondering what was causing him to become so flustered. And his green eyes widened as he realized something.

His didn't hate Takano, and he wasn't indifferent to him, meaning there was only one explanation left.

He loved him.

"No way," Ritsu sputtered to himself. "It's not true. It can't be true."

"Princess?" Chiaki asked. "Did you say something?"

"Uh no, it's nothing," Ritsu replied, his cheeks still flushed. To get away from the footstool's wondering gaze, Ritsu turned his eyes skyward, and when he did, he noticed something strange.

"Chiaki," He said. "Why is there someone way up there on the roof?"

"Huh? Someone on the roof?" Chiaki replied, hopping a little to see what Ritsu was pointing at.

Knowing the power of his stupidity, Chiaki naturally had not been told about the other servants' plan in case he should spill the ever-loving beans to the target in question. Instead, he had merely been told to show Ritsu around the yard that morning and keep him occupied for undisclosed reasons. Plus, Kisa figured that with Chiaki's excitable temperament, it would be good to have him around for the dramatic finale.

"Uwaah!" Chiaki exclaimed as he saw someone way up on the mountainous tower. "It's Master!"

"What?!" Ritsu said. "Why is Takano way up on the roof? Doesn't he know it's dangerous?"

Right after those barking words came out of his mouth, Ritsu blushed fervently, not knowing why he was having such a fit. But the sight of the beast walking precariously up a hundred feet filled him with worry, and out of fear, he called up to him.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Takano was experiencing at least half the amount of fear he hoped this stunt would induce in Ritsu, and he wasn't enjoying a moment of it. Despite the fact that he was wearing the stolen hobbit harness underneath his clothes, and he was securely tethered to a nearby chimney with invisible wires, his feet were still shaky. With an incredible amount of effort, he kneeled down on the roof and began to hammer down some more shingles, pretending to do some maintenance work. He just hoped to God he could keep it together. After all, Disney was extremely prone to killing people by having them fall from extraordinary heights…<p>

"TAKANO!"

The beast's ears perked as he heard a familiar voice calling his name. He looked down with no small amount of nausea to see Ritsu on the lawn below.

"What are you doing up there?!" The brunet yelled.

"Oh j—just a little roof maintenance Ritsu." Takano called back, forcing a grin. "Nailing shingles and all that great stuff."

"You're crazy! You'll kill yourself!"

"God willing…" Takano muttered under his breath. "Maybe then you'll confess."

"What?"

"Er—nothing, nothing." The beast replied, reaching for his container of nails. The beast knew it was almost time for the big show. Kisa had told him to "accidentally" trip on his hammer and fall to his "death" once he had Ritsu's attention. He wouldn't die of course, as the wires would slow down his descent exponentially.

However, unbeknownst to all of them, something was creeping dangerously close to the chimney where Takano's wires were secured. A flash of steal glittered in the sunlight as it began to carefully saw the thin wires with a knife.

"Whoops!" Takano called as he knocked the nail box away from him. Ritsu watched in blatant horror as the beast began to teeter-totter his way over to get them. What the hell was he doing?! It was like he was actually trying to fall! His heart blooming with fear, Ritsu called to him once again.

"T—Takano! Come down!"

"What was that!?" The beast said, unable to completely hear him thanks to a sudden gust of wind.

"Please come down! It's not safe up there!" Ritsu yelled. Another gust of wind whipped up and hit the beast squarely, knocking him over near the gutter. Takano's eyes widened and he frantically scrambled away from the edge. Okay, that was it. This was insane. A paycheck and a princess weren't worth this amount of danger.

"Okay!" He yelled down to Ritsu as the wind blew his black hair askew. "I'm coming down, just give me a second!"

Ritsu breathed a side of relief as he saw Takano crawling over towards a nearby chimney, pulling at some invisible stabilizer.

But his mouth dropped in utter horror as he heard a loud snap and saw Takano roll down the steep incline. With a strangled gasp, Takano fell over the edge of the gutter and plummeted to the ground, landing the on the grass with a sickening thud.

His eyes wide with disbelief, Ritsu raced over to the still form, a single scream on his lips.

"TAKANO!"

* * *

><p><strong>One more chapter left, and then our epilogue. This parody is officially in the homestretch. <strong>

**And the poll for the next story is officially closed! The final tally was Aliens: 7, and Mermen: 16, so grab your scuba gear and get ready for some under the sea yaoi fun! **

**Next chapter to come soon, thank you all so much for reading. **

**TBF101**


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty: Big Epic Sappy Dramatic Finale**

"Oh my god," Kisa suddenly murmured, stepping back from the binoculars mounted on the balcony edge. The group of scheming appliances had been watching the scene from Takano's bedroom, and they had all clearly seen the thin wires snap and Takano fall. Yuu, Hisashi, Hatori, and Kisa all looked down in horror at their fallen master, Ritsu's frantic cries echoing in their ears.

* * *

><p>"Takano! TAKANO!" Ritsu screamed as he raced over to the fallen beast. He skidded to a halt and kneeled down next to Takano, carefully turning him over onto his back. And panic immediately filled his eyes when the beast made no movement.<p>

"Takano!" He called again, shaking the beast's shoulders and hoping for any sort of sign. But there was none.

Ritsu looked up to the roof as tears began to well up into his eyes and a low sob came out of his mouth. No one could survive a fall like that. Takano was dead.

"No," He murmured, clutching the beast's shirt as his shoulders began to shake. "No."

"Master?" Chiaki called as he tentatively hopped up. "Is he okay?"

"No he's not…" Ritsu cried. "He's gone."

Chiaki bowed his foot stool self over and also began to cry for his fallen master. Hearing the commotion, more servants began to gather around, and whispers of horror and shock echoed throughout the castle grounds. A gray cloud of melancholy was cast over everyone as they realized that Takano was dead and that the curse could no longer be broken, and all hung their heads in silence.

"Excellent scene everyone! That's a wrap!"

Ritsu looked over to the director with weeping eyes and his mouth dropped in disbelief at the director and crew nearby.

"Not exactly what we had planned," the director said. "But a tragic death is always a nice way to wrap things up. Start packing up everyone, it's time to move onto the next parody."

"How dare you!" Ritsu cried, tears streaming down his cheeks. "All you guys care about is finishing your stupid parody?! Don't you even realize that Takano is dead?!"

The director shrugged and turned to walk away.

"What's the big deal? You didn't love the guy anyways."

Ritsu's lips parted in shock and he looked back down to the beast's still form, a tear leaking down and leaving a dark spot on Takano's shirt.

"That's not true," He murmured, reaching over and brushing his fingertips against Takano's cheek. "He may have been mean, he may have been ruthless but…I loved him."

Another sob rose in Ritsu's chest and he fell onto Takano's torso, weeping brokenheartedly. He cried not only for the fact that the beast was now gone, but that he had never so much as told Takano how he felt.

And he would never have the chance again.

As Ritsu wept into Takano's chest, he barely even noticed sparks of diamond light springing down from the sky and landing around the two of them. But when one struck Takano, Ritsu stumbled back in fear and awe. What on earth?

The sparkling fire began to surround Takano, dissolving into his fur and smoothing it into skin. His wolf ears and horns faded away and his human ears returned. Ritsu watched, struck with disbelief as the form of a beast was replaced by the form of a man, and it wasn't long before that man's golden eyes fluttered open.

Ritsu scooted back in fear as the strange man slowly groaned and sat up.

"What happened?" He muttered. "Feel like I fell off a bloody cliff."

Ritsu's red-rimmed eyes widened and his mouth gapped in disbelief at the familiar sound of the voice. Did he dare to hope?

"T—Takano?"

The dark-haired man looked over to him and gave a breath-taking smile.

"Ritsu? Why are you crying?"

"It is you…b—but how?"

Takano smiled wider, running his hand through his head of hair.

"There's only one way to break my curse Ritsu…and I believe you just did it. You told me you loved me…thank you."

Ritsu blushed and looked at the ground as Takano crawled over to him, capturing the brunet's chin in between his new fingers.

"I love you too Ritsu," Takano breathed. He leaned in and pressed his lips against Ritsu's mouth in a short kiss, his golden eyes sparkling with happiness. Ritsu blushed harder and licked his lips nervously, but didn't pull away as Takano gathered him into his arms.

"Master! Princess!" Chiaki eeked with joy, hopping up and down excitedly on the lawn. But suddenly, the foot stool form faded away, replaced by a young man with dark chocolate hair and bright blue eyes.

"Chiaki?" Ritsu said in disbelief. "You're human!"

Chiaki, still jumping around like a rabbit, waved his arm ecstatically toward the balcony.

"Tori! Tori look! The curse is broken!"

Ritsu looked up in that direction and gasped as he saw four more men, whom he presumed were Yuu, Hatori, Kisa, and Hisashi. In fact, all the servants were changing before his eyes back to their human forms, and it was wonder to behold. Everyone was laughing, crying, and running towards their newly changed master and his partner.

Takano slowly stood on his new legs, bringing Ritsu up with him and enveloping him in another hug. And though he was terribly embarrassed by the gathering crowds and cheers from the servants, Ritsu brought his arms up to embrace Takano as well.

* * *

><p>"Kisa-san!" Yukina cried as he burst into Takano's bedroom. The golden-haired giant caught Kisa in a giant hug that took him all the way off the floor and spun him around. Yuu and Hisashi had a much quieter moment of taking each other's hands, and Yuu tried not to smile as he saw Hatori sigh down at the frolicking Chiaki, who had just tripped over his own feet and fallen on the lawn.<p>

"Wow," Kisa said as he tried to fend off Yukina's peppering kisses. "I can't believe that actually worked."

"In a way," Hatori said. "The ropes weren't supposed to snap, but it looks like even a low-budget production like this has a little bit of magic in it."

"Thanks to Ritsu," Yuu said, wrapping his arm around Hisashi's shoulders.

"And thanks to the asshole who cut the ropes," Kisa shrugged. "Whoever he is."

* * *

><p>Every single servant in the castle was now back to normal, but a certain person found himself in a rather precarious position because of it. Akihiko the magical journal, newly transformed, sat sullenly behind the chimney, fingering the knife he'd used to cut Takano's harness. Although he was a little happy to be human again, he was rather perturbed that Takano had been brought back to life. With his charm and finesse, he could've easily taken over the castle and been obscenely rich.<p>

But oh well. At least the next parody was going to be all about him.

* * *

><p><strong>Vincent Claudius, Kiyame Hikari-chan, Mizookie101, NinjaSheik, Genoveve, SaySaeri, Alanakitty-chan, Inujuju712, randomlycandy4life, Ashley Tangerine- thank you all so much for you reviews and seeing this parody to it's last chapter. You all made this story possible and I thank you for that!<strong>

**Cerberus- what are the odds I got your lovely review right as I was wrapping up the latest chapter? We must be connected telepathically. And oh how happy it made me! :D was this fast enough for my lovely dog? Kisses!**

**Epilogue to come and then we are DONE! WOOT!**

**Eternal (Gay) Love, **

**TBF101 **


	22. Chapter 22

**Epilogue**

"Yukina, do we really have to watch this again?" Kisa muttered as he snuggled closer into his lover's arms. The two were in the living room in front of the big screen TV that Yukina used to be, watching yet another Disney movie.

"But Kisa-san, the next parody is based off _The Little Mermaid_. We have to watch it so we can get all the jokes!" Yukina chattered, resting his handsome chin on top of Kisa's black head and grinning dorkily.

"It's a crappy movie though." Kisa murmured. "The whole premise of it is whining about your life till you get your way without learning any moral lessons…though I suppose I can relate—ACK!"

The smaller man suddenly jumped, his head knocking straight into Yukina's jaw and sending them both sprawling off the couch and into a pile of pain. Kisa quickly untangled himself and glared down underneath the coffee table, where he saw the familiar suspect.

"Chiaki you moron! What have I told you about grabbing my feet like that?!"

The dark haired Chiaki peeped out from under the coffee table with a forlorn yet obsessive expression.

"Pleeeeease let me touch your feet Kisa-san! I'll rub them for you!"

"No way! It's creepy!" Kisa recoiled, moving his feet a safe distance away from the former footstool. Everyone had been human for nearly a month now but Chiaki still couldn't shake his foot fetish, and one particular person was keen on doing something about it.

"Chiaki!"

"EEP!" Chiaki yelped as he heard Hatori's voice. The former clock sighed and kneeled down on the floor, trying to coax his little partner out.

"Chiaki, it's time to go see the doctor."

"I wasn't touching his feet! I swear Tori!" Chiaki whined.

"Liar," Kisa growled, shifting his violated feet. Hatori reached his long arms underneath the coffee table and carefully pulled Chiaki out, throwing him over his shoulder.

"Torrrri! Where are we going?!"

"Counseling and possible shock therapy." Hatori muttered, sighing under his breath. Although plenty of things had changed around the castle since the curse was broken, he knew that some things…just never changed.

* * *

><p>"Hisashi? Hisashi?" Yuu called down the hallway, checking yet another closet door for his curly-haired lover. But Hisashi was nowhere to be ever since one of the kitchen maids had tried to hug him yesterday. The former blanket wasn't quite over his cuddle trauma yet.<p>

But as he walked by the library (and heard Takano and Ritsu yapping at each other yet again), he heard a faint stirring in the drawing room and headed towards it.

"Hisashi?" He whispered into the keyhole. "Are you in there? It's okay to come out you know."

"I don't wanna," Hisashi muttered back. "All people want to do is hug me."

"Now that's not true…except maybe for me." Yuu said silkily. "Don't you want to find a nice quiet room in the castle and snuggle with me?"

Yuu smiled as he heard indecisive shifting followed by Hisashi's voice, quiet with need.

"Well…I—"

"Mi-Sa-Ki!" A call came from the other side of the hallway. Yuu immediately heard another voice inside the drawing room yelp.

"Um, Hisashi…is there someone in there with you?"

"No," The second voice answered. "There's nobody."

"Misaki! Come out, come out my little sugar bowl! It's time to go."

Yuu looked down the hall and (to his horror) saw human Akihiko sauntering down the hall with nothing on but swim trunks, a snorkel, and a rubber ducky floaty ring around his waist.

"Misaki!" He called irritably. "Stop this nonsense. We're the stars of the next parody and we have to get over to the ocean set! Though we're still waiting on Hiroki and Nowaki. Apparently Hiroki doesn't want to leave until he finds proper bookend replacements with good employment records. Now come out."

Yuu sighed in exasperation as he heard the door lock shut and he immediately knew that there would be no snuggles that afternoon as long as Misaki was hell bent on hiding from this guy. Oh well, maybe their Master was having better luck in the library with the princess.

* * *

><p>"Will you wait a goddamn minute? I'm not done with this page." Takano growled.<p>

"Well hurry up, slow poke." Ritsu retorted, squirming in his bean bag as Takano squeezed his shoulder. The two were reading together in the library, which thanks to Takano, was proving difficult. Truthfully, Ritsu wasn't done with the page. In fact, he hadn't read the last fifteen because all he could concentrate on was Takano's hand roving around his torso. What's more, Ritsu knew he was doing it on purpose. Yesterday the brunet had made an offhand in-the-heat-of-the-moment comment that they never did enough reading together and now he was paying the price, as Takano seemed very keen on making this "intimate" reading time. And it was all Ritsu could do not to squeak as Takano's hand slipped down to his waist.

"W—Would you stop that?!" Ritsu snapped trying to struggling away. "I can't concentrate."

"Stop what?" Takano smirked. "Touching you? Now why would that bother you so? I thought you loved reading."

"I d—do! But you're—you're such an ass!" Ritsu yelped. He tried to stand but Takano's hold on his waist would let him, and he found himself quickly pined on the floor underneath the bigger man. Takano smiled down at his prince and captured his lips in a tender kiss, his hands traveling to places that made Ritsu moan. No matter how many books he had in this castle, Ritsu's expressions would always be his favorite thing to read, and the former beast was eternally grateful to Ritsu for sharing his love…even if half the time it was in yelling form.

"G—Get off Takano," Ritsu gasped as the dark haired man bit his neck.

"As you wish," Takano grinned, quickly reaching down to undo Ritsu's belt buckle.

"GAH! That is not what I meant!" Ritsu yelled, banging his fists against Takano's chest. One thing he knew for certain, even if Takano was free of his anger and his curse…there was still plenty of a hungry beast inside him.

And despite everything, Ritsu loved Takano….when he was in the right mood.

**The End.**

* * *

><p><strong>*Bows deeply with tears of eternal gratitude * <strong>

**Thank you all so much for seeing this fic to it's end, it wouldn't have been possible without all of your endless support, and on that note...SQUEE! I'M DONE I'M DONE I'M DONE I'M DONE!**

**Now we are moving on to a wonderful romantic(a) merman adventure! And for those of you wondering, I will post an alert chapter here when the new story is up, so don't cancel your subscriptions :) or you can always just subscribe to me as well. **

**I can't wait to see you all there! And a special thank you to my favorite dog ;) you know who you are my darling.  
><strong>

**Eternal yaoi kisses!**

**The Black Flamingo 101**


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